I totally understand. I've been just barely keeping ahead of the desire. Luckily I'm able to get back to a routine with my program now. I got too close and I should never have let myself. The nice thing about the new year is 365 new days opportunities, each a new day to better ourselves even more.
1 Like
I've had my share of trauma and I'm ready to thank it for its lessons and show it the door. GOOD BYE! 
1 Like
There is a lot of trauma we have all faced. This was just by far the worst year of it. Jaw dropping things. But I kept pushing. After a lot of setbacks... I couldn't pick myself up again. My brain and body finally shattered.
Definitely can not thank my trauma. I never will.
Pretty amazing then that you survived and got back up. Gets me excited to keep moving forward myself. Thank you for sharing.
It's definitely not for everyone and I do it kicking and scream but it's what I've learned is best for me.
1 Like
Been there, done that.
I used to be the king of relapse In the nineties.
Do you have a support group with phone numbers? If you don't, you should.
Were you going to AA meetings?
We have a question in AA that states, What do you get when you get a horse thief sober?
A sober horse thief.
Drinking was but a symptom of our problem. We have to get down to causes and conditions. This is done by getting a sponsor and going through the 12 steps. Putting the cap on the bottle is only the beginning but it is not enough.
The reason we relapse is because we believe the big lie; That this time, everything will be OK. But it never is, is it?
When you have the desire to drink again, and you will, You have to learn to play the scene forward. You might feel good for a short period of time but sooner or later you will be right back where you started, with more guilt to carry around like you're doing now, knowing that you accomplished absolutely nothing. That's why we call it "believing the Big lie."
So what is your game plan? What will you do differently this time that you didn't do before?
I recognize your face. I've commented on your posts before and I probably said the same thing.
I really want to see you get this Emily because life has a lot to offer in sobriety.
1 Like
Day one is the best day the only one that can bring you day two and so forth so on and what have you
1 Like
Yes I was there once before. Kicking and screaming through it. It took a final blow that kind of hit the nail in the coffin soemthing tells me I'll be back to kicking and screaming through it again.
Well I just talked to my sober support group leader. My problems are child care and heck even the money for gas to get places. I have to save every single penny for rent. She understands that I'm struggling with a basic way to even live. I dont have family to live with. I have done aa but didnt find the support I really needed. We have to find a IOP that I will have childcare for in the day.
I have a therpaist and psychitirst
. I need my depression adresses and health issues that are all hard to navigate so I'm also working on disabilty.
Things that are different now is no toxic relationship. But the bad part is the loss in financial help.
Luckily I didnt drink yesterday and not a drink today.
1 Like
Youāve got this 
one day at a timeā¦feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to
1 Like
I think that is great. I'm 64 now. And happily married. But I remember when I was a young man, against the advice of my fellow aa's I shacked up with another woman from the program. They were 6 of the most miserable years of my life I don't blame this girl. We had a daughter and are freinds now.
When I came crawling back to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous I had learned not only that I too had believed the big lie but that my life got to be the way it did because of decisions that I made that were based on self.
I had no business hooking up with that girl because all I did was interfere with her recovery and we both thought our relationship was the answer to our problem. Were we ever wrong!
I got a sponsor. He asked me if I could stay the heck away from women for a while until I could figure me out and get some quality sobriety time.
Reluctantly, I agreed. When I look back, I believe that was the smartest decision that I ever made.
I proceeded to get my own place. I decorated my place the way I wanted. I was solely responsible for all of the expenses. I took some classes on Personal finance which helped my financial status exponentially.
I went to a 3 day seminar at my church. Dating for marriage, raising kids in marriage, And relighting the spark in your marriage.
Going to these places was far different from the life that I was used to. All I knew before then was getting drunk in bars day after day, night after night. I also set out to earn my Private Pilot License.
Like I said before Emily, There's a whole life out there waiting to be lived in sobriety. You just have to make the choice. Many people have been right where you are at this moment and they found a way to overcome. You can too!
PS. Now trying to pick you up or anything. I'm a happily married man and I'm way older than you. Just wanna say that I like your new picture you posted.
Ever thought of becoming a professional pilot? You should get some sobriety time under your belt 1st and then you can buzz over to the nearest general aviation airport and find a flight instructor. You can tell him/her that you would like to go up for a discovery flight.
They will walk you from pre flight, taxi, take off and landing. It's an exciting event. If not flying, there are many other choices. Like I've said before, Sobriety opens up many doors.
This could be you.
A pilot? Where is that coming from? I'm a single mom with lots of restrictions due to mental and physical health issues. My tragic year has finally just slammed me into the ground. I want to pick myself up. I cant seem to stop crying recently and depression is a B right now.
I would like to go back to school but I have to get me functioning
Again
Ok
Well I didn't know. I just try to encourage people to let them know that there really is a big life out there. A life of freedom regardless of what our responsibilities are. My worst day sober is far better than my best day drunk.
I'm also a big advocate of gratitude. I'm sure your life is not easy. I know because I too once had kids running around the house. I definitely know what chaos is like. Every once in a while when I'm feeling sorry for myself and I get stopped at a red light especially in places like Detroit, I see panhandlers on every corner. I also think about what it would be like if I had done something stupid in my alcoholism that cost me 20 or 30 years in prison.
I'm not in prison. So I know that my life could always be a lot worse than what it is regardless of what my problems are for today.
I believe that a single parent is the hardest job in the world. So give yourself a big pat on the back. Take it A-day at a time and understand it really can get better for you. I know you don't believe that right now. Your options are to believe or to let it run you into the ground.
Getting sober definitely comes with it set of challenges. When we stop suppressing ourselves with alcohol we start to feel again. Feeling is not always fun in the beginning.
I don't know if I helped you out at all or not but don't hesitate to contact me. Word to the wise; Surround yourself with women who have been sober for a long time.
Take care Emily
Dust your shoulders off and forgive yourself and welcome back!
Welcome Back.
Welcome back! Remember you are the master of your sea, donāt let a bad storm throw you off course, weāre all human and make mistakes, the important thing to remember is your not alone and never will be! Youāve got this, strength comes from within. Donāt let alcohol trick you into believing otherwise