Can I ask something? What happened that you were sober all those years, and then for a few years were not? Did you just feel that it was not a problem any more?
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Itâs a very long and awful story. Bottom line is I didnât take care of myself. I got busy with work, family, life, etc, and stopped working a daily program of recovery. I went many years without a program or any support. I didnât have a desire to drink for many years. I was grateful for my new life. However, life goes on. So many ups and downs (health, financial, relationships, kids, etc), and I slowly started feeling like I needed to escape. I needed a break. I needed some relief.I deserved a little fun. I had a hole in my soul that needed to be filled. Had I been practicing a recovery program along the way, I think I could have avoided the relapse. I feel I couldâve worked thru my feelings if I was connected. However, I wasnât. I felt all alone. I found that relief in an entirely new addiction. It wasnât alcohol or drugs, but it gave me the same rush.it made me feel alive again. It happened so fast. I didnât plan on it becoming an addictionâŚit just consumed me. Eventually, the guilt and shame led me back to drinking and drugging again. It was too painful not too numb myself. I told you it was a long story 
. Bottom line is I stopped working a daily program of recovery. Eventually I couldnât live life on lifeâs terms without escaping reality. I chose not to get help. It didnât even cross my mind.
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Thank you so much for your answer. You have helped in ways you will never know, just by giving me the short version of a very long answer. I am 27 months into sobriety. I am still feeling the effects of being clean after many years of not being clear headed, etc. You know that honeymoon period I need to get into a daily program of accountability, and helping others. I think so often, just seeing newly clean, sober people, reminds me of where I never want to go again. Thank you!!
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Congratulations 
your doing great 
keep it up. 
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