Why was the king only 12 inches tall?
Because he was a ruler
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Yep. Reminded me of this one. Two muffins are in the oven. One says to the other, "man, its hot in here." The other says, "AHH, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
He was a good ruler... horrible king. Who designed the round table for king Arthur? Sir cumference.
That's a kids joke 
not a dad's joke
Dads tell it to their kids.
This one always makes me 
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Doctor walk into a bar. Bartender says
"HEY what is this, some kind of joke?"
I made a belt out of all of my old, broken watches. My ex girlfriend told me that it was a waist of time. 
Sorry to resurrect this but I saw a good one...
What does Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common?
Same middle name
What do ya get if you split fiddy cent in half? 25 to life.
I laugh every time I hear this.
Had a friend try to get a circumcision from a discount moyle...he said it was a rip off
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You should never scream into a colander. You'll just strain your voice.
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So a penguin walks into a bar and ask the tender “ hey have you seen my brother around? The bar tender ask him “what’s he look like? .....lol
A man in Michigan wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there’s an ad for North Bear Removers.”
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van.
He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean old pit bull.
“What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks…
“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I’m going to go up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.
When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go.
The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”
He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.
“If the bear knocks me off the roof. For the love of God, Shoot the dog."
Oh lord, that's a good one.
If a tree falls in the woods and lands on a mime, does the mime make a sound?