Don’t give up five minutes before the miracle happens!
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Put down the bat, and pick up a feather.
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Self pity for me, led me back to drinking always! Don’t ever give up! At s age 72 I am still relapsing and starting over and over. Get out and meet people at a AA meeting. Don’t let this disease destroy what you have gained! 17 days is fantastic 
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There is no miracle. So don't wait for one. Get up and move your feet and do the hard work it takes to have a better life. The good news is you're not alone and you don't have to be alone.
Just like Fight Club, you choose your own level of involvement.
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First of all what makes you think no one wants you? That’s your addiction trying to draw you back in and that’s a cop out. You need to get to hospital and get medically detoxed and get on the right meds. Believe me I felt like you did and my alcoholism hit me fast and furious and thank his I did what I am suggesting to you. Once you do this your head will be clearer and you can then build yourself a recovery team. Sitting by yourself in self pity is not what needs to be done. I don’t know where you live but I am in RI and the hospital here helped me with everything. When I left i immediately went into IOP program, met people, then I did and actually still do Early Recovery Meetings, still met more people and today we are all here for each other. I have been in my pity party just like you now. It’s your addiction trying to call you back in. Let me say this my friend. I watched my brother die the color of a lemon and he suffered so bad. You really don’t want that. Then my friend was found dead in his car from alcohol and he bled out from everywhere on his body. Please stay strong. Maybe take my suggestions.
Alcohol wants you doing exactly what your doing. Please don’t give in.
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How are you doing Josh? I just wanted to check on you? I want you to know that we are brothers and have been through a lot. I’m saying this with 15 years clean and I’m still struggling every day financially, but think of yourself as a soldier who has been through a war. It causes changes to your brain, and it takes a while to shake off, but tell someone you trust what is going on.
There is nothing you have said or done that I haven’t heard.
If you need words of encouragement right now, there's plenty of that here. Just ask and look.
What I'll say is this: drinking won't make this better. It will make things worse. Years of suppressing reality with liquid distraction has twisted the fabric of Being like a rubber band, and it's finally snapping back into place. It's going to be painful. It's going to be h*ll. Do it anyway. At some point, the source of meaning in your life needs to come from somewhere, and right now it's from suffering. Your choices are: suffer miserably or suffer gratefully. Be pulled along by the stallion of existence, and ride it gracefully. Choosing to suffer is the only way to navigate the world meaningfully with absolute assurance of success.
Have you gotten off the pity party and on to a plan yet? It's not easy to see sometimes, but it seems that's where you've been. If you choose sobriety for it's own sake you can do it.