I was on adderall for 15 years. I stopped taking it in December. Prescribed 60mg/day. What you are going through is normal. Message me if you have specific questions. For what it’s worth I’m glad I’m off of it. I don’t miss the impulsive crap it made do.
Just gotta go day by day and time will heal everything you’ll be back up again
This is disease we suffer from and it wants to kill us. We can treat it by doing the right things. Or let it win. Find a good home group and go to meetings..!
We alcoholics are always a work in progress.
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My first rehab counsel wanted me to admit I was a alcoholic. I left 3 and a half weeks in. I was ok admitting I was a drug addict but alcohol was another store. I think about that. I walk around with a fifth of vodka. But I wasn’t a alcoholic. Our disease wants us in it’s grips Hopefully you will come to teams with it. We don’t wake up one day and decide we want to be a alcoholic or addict. This is a disease will destroy any and all in its path. I have to choose to face the truth of my addiction. It doesn’t make us bad people. We are sick people on a journey of sobriety and wellness.
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Kim ... AA might not be for everyone. I did 90 meetings in 90 days and didn't really completely do all the steps. I had a sponsor but he wasn't always around or available. It didn't bother me in the slightest. I haven't been back. What I needed more than anything was to break the cycle I was in by going to 90 in 90 I was able to remind myself daily that I wanted to quit drinking permanently. You have to be convinced in your own mind. This apps is a way to remind you that's what you want. Absolutely commit to reading Alcohol Explained. It's a game changer. It will help to convince you that you want nothing to do with this poison.
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KIM your not alone. AA is not for everybody. MEDITATION, being physically active or mentally. Just keeping yourself busy helped me especially with anxiety. I USED to say I loved myself but not when I had an addiction and trying to ignore it. . NOW I can say I love myself but the escape will always be there but escape to be alone.. Not me ..Hang in there ..We are here for you..
In my opinion you are back at square one. That could be a good thing though. The tipping point when a substance begins to be abused is different for everyone. If it has become a problem I would take a honest look into your life and what has changed. I'm not really into AA and I know it really helps a lot of people but its not for everyone. Honestly it just boils down to you being honest with yourself and completely committing to the life changes you think you should make. Someone will always be there for help but maybe you need to throw yourself a bone. I'm definitely no expert and am going through the same type of stuff all of us here are. Think Logically Honestly & Positively. 
Try Smart recovery groups of you're not into AA or NA groups.
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Celebrate recovery is in churches to there way.
I love AA, I’m not committed, I’m maybe on step 3. The meetings come in clutch when I’m having a rough day. It’s powerful and relieving to hear others share their stories.