You can do it!
Maybe do some positive activities with positive people like yoga, hiking, whatever you enjoy
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AA wasn't really for me either so I tried SMART recovery and I really like it, just a suggestion..
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It's worth it to get clean. I lost my family,my job,my friends. Now I am in sober living and I am getting it all back. It is a new life,one that is more difficult but it is so worth getting sober.
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I gotta do things I enjoy that are positive, like hiking. I like yoga AA too, but any yoga is good and the people are kind and balanced.
Or a good creative outlet
Open up to me it's understand. Last year I quit meth almost 200 days on my own.lived in a house where it was still being sold. Did ok for a while then back into it. Now I'm on 40 plus days. I moved forty miles away from my home , I have the most supportive groupe of new friends. You can make this happen i promise
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Smart recovery. Agreed. It’s abstinence oriented, some people say it’s moderation management and some people do, but the majority of us are sober. Also try recoveryrawkstars discord server. If you have that problem smart recovery might be right for you we get a lot of ole who say the same thing day after day as we grow
I was told early on in meetings to go to different meetings until you find at least one person that you feel comfortable with.
I didn't share anything in meetings except for being a newcomer.
I listened because I didn't have the answers yet I knew how to get high really well but didn't have the answers about how to get or stay clean.
My using was done mostly alone.
For me to stay chemical free I chose AA and NA because I had a support system.
I truly hope you find your way!!!
I also did it on my own. Tried meetings but same as you it didn’t fit for me. Somehow I never looked back and here I am almost 8 years in. There’s no one way. Just have to find what works for you and keep moving forward. Respect.
I'm 2000% percent with you on this .
No one has the right to judge you , there are closed meetings an open meetings, closed you share about alcohol if it's an AA meeting an open you share what you want to about addiction and alcoholism one or the other , I don't know about NA to much but I know the basic text NAs book is really a good book , I like it better then AAs big book, I'm in AA myself an I did a lot of drugs an drink alcohol , I shot meth or should I say crank for close to 15 year's, find what's best for you , remember, you are the important one , I have a little over 11 year's clean an sober ,