You can do it!
Maybe do some positive activities with positive people like yoga, hiking, whatever you enjoy. Hmu if you ever need to talk
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AA wasn't really for me either so I tried SMART recovery and I really like it, just a suggestion..
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It's worth it to get clean. I lost my family,my job,my friends. Now I am in sober living and I am getting it all back. It is a new life,one that is more difficult but it is so worth getting sober.
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I gotta do things I enjoy that are positive, like hiking. I like yoga AA too, but any yoga is good and the people are kind and balanced.
Or a good creative outlet
Open up to me it's understand. Last year I quit meth almost 200 days on my own.lived in a house where it was still being sold. Did ok for a while then back into it. Now I'm on 40 plus days. I moved forty miles away from my home , I have the most supportive groupe of new friends. You can make this happen i promise
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Smart recovery. Agreed. It’s abstinence oriented, some people say it’s moderation management and some people do, but the majority of us are sober. Also try recoveryrawkstars discord server. If you have that problem smart recovery might be right for you we get a lot of ole who say the same thing day after day as we grow
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I was told early on in meetings to go to different meetings until you find at least one person that you feel comfortable with.
I didn't share anything in meetings except for being a newcomer.
I listened because I didn't have the answers yet I knew how to get high really well but didn't have the answers about how to get or stay clean.
My using was done mostly alone.
For me to stay chemical free I chose AA and NA because I had a support system.
I truly hope you find your way!!!
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I also did it on my own. Tried meetings but same as you it didn’t fit for me. Somehow I never looked back and here I am almost 8 years in. There’s no one way. Just have to find what works for you and keep moving forward. Respect.
I'm 2000% percent with you on this .
No one has the right to judge you , there are closed meetings an open meetings, closed you share about alcohol if it's an AA meeting an open you share what you want to about addiction and alcoholism one or the other , I don't know about NA to much but I know the basic text NAs book is really a good book , I like it better then AAs big book, I'm in AA myself an I did a lot of drugs an drink alcohol , I shot meth or should I say crank for close to 15 year's, find what's best for you , remember, you are the important one , I have a little over 11 year's clean an sober ,
I went through residential 3 times in 3 years and never could find anything that worked until I actually was introduced to 8 step budhist
Ya no one should judge u its bs I hate the convos that always start with u slip yet? Or your crazy I dk sometimes I wanna say your f*cking crazy 
I attend a recovery IOP group where I go 3 hours a day three days a week. Its a whole group of other addicts who understand and don't judge. Everyone is really open and helpful and caring and accepting including all the counselors. Its helped me so much and I strongly recommend it. Meetings were not my thing either but IOP has been a literal lifesaver. And almost all insurance will cover it. I have medicaid and its 100% covered.
I didn't think it was for me either until losing my kids find someone maybe you went through it before with who is now sober for me thats my best friend we met in my last treatment center and now she's my sober support through my journey now
All ears and understanding! I've been in and out of sobriety for years, 2 months sober now. I did NOT like AA. Taking the time to find support is important and you shouldn't settle 
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Yeah I've always hated being judged myself . Nobody has the right . And I would never judge u dear
Best thing I do is make the form decision I won't do it again because I realize whatever benefited I perceived was not really what I got and maybe not reven what I wanted. Now I don't what is hat off over at all for sure. You can knock this out of the pack with ease if you don't want it; there are no drawbacks whatsoever to putting it down, only benefits.
If meeting isn't for you then dive into the books and you tube father Martin i did this for 6 months straight the step book 1,2,3 now has 28 yrs by the grace of God