Yes, you're welcome to reach out
Um id say really have some self compassion and think about the state you were in when you picked it up. And that that state does not define you. I got some issues about the program so this may sound a little harsh. But i dont believe waiting for answers from a higher power or from your friends and allies can always work. I believe emotional regulation and following your own internal needs values and goals can prevent relapse and the guilt after. You fucked up for a second. You didnt fail yourself and the program didnt fail you. You were just in a state. Youâre more than an addict. Think about if you have emotional needs that arent being met. And fix em. Dont wait for me or your higher power to tell you what to do.
3 Likes
Power to you. I love you
1 Like
Nah, this is EXACTLY the comment I needed to hear. I'm a firm believer in I, Myself, make my own decisions and choices knowing right or wrong. I believe in God, whatever God that is, I don't know. But I know there's something spiritual going on in life. Regardless, I also struggle to believe the full extent of "leave it all up to your higher power" because it's kind of unrealistic. The whole "God wanted me to use, to show me something" etc etc.. I don't knock anyone else's thinking, struggle, and definitely not their recovery. What works for you, works for you, simple. And what's worked best for me is having my own willpower to know better and to recognize patterns and to just simply BREAK the f****ng chain that's binding me to my old thoughts and actions. I know I'm strong but, shoot, mental health is strong also. The funny part is, the whole "mental health" is literally just my own mind telling myself it's not ok etc. etc. I know that if I'm capable of telling myself all the negative talk and doing negative things to myself then I'm DEFINITELY capable of the opposite. I just have to find my own answers and reasons to fix it all. Hearing insights and other stories gives me more pieces to my own puzzle that I must put together. I haven't found certain pieces, still, but I've found enough to hold myself together into finding the next piece.
2 Likes
I think sometimes we oversimplify that "God was trying to show you something." Sometimes that's a bit weaponized and vengeful or punishing. But God's not beating us up, so we shouldn't beat ourselves up. We can be convicted to change or do better. I do believe that God will use your mistakes for your good. And that God has a plan for us. And that God can recycle our pain. And turn our mess into a message. I hope those are more positive and easier viewpoints to accept in your journey
1 Like
6 years later in recovery, I can say that it gets better. It's not a consistent path. There's going to be ups and downs. Bumps in the road. If you slip, dont fall. If you fall. Dont stay down. Get back up on the horse quickly. And that's OK. Shame takes too many of us out. Don't do that to yourself. You deserve better. Love on yourself, honestly examine where it wrong and you do better tomorrow.
2 Likes
Forget about the yesterday your in charge of a new day find a meeting find something to keep you positive and on track donât give up on yourself 
1 Like
Hey Trevor popping in to see how youâre doing
1 Like
So this is my perception on a lapse, whether that be a time of use after being sober, a laspe in emotional recovery or plainly a laspe in judgment on the very vast scale of judgemen calls that life demands out of us: its a moment and a moment is always just a moment. Like a heartbeat, it's steady one after the other.
We are blessed with nature's rhythm. However, at times, we skip a beat. Just as when one has a heart murmur, which in definition is skipping a beat in the heart so is the metaphorical skipped beat of the heart and mind. It is not a heart attack. It is not a weak heart, a heart that has a cancer growing inside of it, there isn't a stroke in which it has paralyzed and taken away parts of us for good: no it's just a murmur something to watch but usually just a sign. This can prompt people to live differently to have anxiety at first but to be more vigilant until they see the situation fixed.
If the news of a heart murmur was told to various people, there would be various reactions based on personality and life trajectory up until that point. The same is it with a skipped beat noticed in recovery when we have a lapse we have to notice, we have to feel the feelings and then find the logic and then trust.
We have to skip a beat and get rigjt back in rhythm! There's a new moment to be lived right after that moment. We used in some way drank got high went back to codependency ok that's yucky feeling and it's a crossroads for sure. And I'd say it is meant to be from what I have seen in my own walk with recovery and in those in recovery around me.
We can only get back up and take another hit get another drink hide in another toxic relationship ect or get back up have love for who we are not what we do, have trust that we aren't comprised of just one action alone, have peace knowing that slight fall that skipped beat is gonna be muscle memory for the next time and it's gonna be harder to trip you up so the small slips like stuck in traffic the rude cashier, forgetting your wallet, breaking your phone and medium slips like a completely triggering week or a horribly bad day at work a fight with your partner a betrayal from a friend, missing your probation or counseling appointment ect these will not make you skip a beat by falling out NOT IN THE SAME WAY
Life now has the opportunity to enhance your skills in another area to allow growth because the root of why you drank here if sought after and worked out is now known. The terminology of our secrets make us sick. Doesn't just mean the lies or what we hide KNOWINGLY, no I see it deeper yet.
The secrets inside ourself about ourselves that life, the universe and my God HAVE to show us by the natural rhythm and consequences life NEED TO BE DRAWN OUT. We must be pushed and we must be exposed TO OURSELVES! we need the epiphany the aha moments the down and out and worried MOMENT to push us toward a better more beautiful and fres moments after it all. When we skip a beat and we fall we kinda cheat and move forward ahead real fast and slide into a base where it might take 2 steps we fall and jump it so its a shock and its messy because we just saw a bunch of for real stuff inside we are exposed which may feel yucky like tripping in public hoping others wont see... but we always see, so how do we handle that exposed secret are we going to knowingly allow it to keep us sick? How many more.secrets are we willing to keep until that is a huge definition of who we became in that moment and walked to the next holding on instead of letting go and letting us grow down thr pyher lane in the crossroads??
How we keep the beat does depend on what we entertain and put our hearts into what we focus on how we focus on it and who we believe in to help promote our success. So while life's natural rhythm is good steady as it usually is take time to really hone those things skillbuild on where you are going and how you are getting there. Anyway not trying to preach here but I've been on recovery for 6 years and had lapses of use never fully went back out to the streets but once and I'm going to tell you
I praise God for exposing the parts of me that got me to that point every time because I am increasingly finely crafted every time thay I skipped a beat and fell off. Seriously it's the spice and energy of recovery if it happens it was meant to and it's a sign and it's a view of opportunity and a ticket to grow. That's all ain't no thing unless we left it be...love yourself and forgive yourself and don't let others define how you do both of those things 
1 Like
I've been doing good as of lately. Tomorrow marks one week down so that's a plus. Excited for my family to arrive so we can enjoy Christmas! Thank you for checking in 
Just start over today! This is all that matters. Yesterday is over man...you messed up, so what. Start over...and over...and over till you get it right! Focus on sober today
1 Like
It will be okay, you will be okay. Offer yourself some compassion/grace and get back on the horse.
1 Like
It's ok, it's ok, I promise. Don't beat yourself up,it'll only make u drink again. Hang in there my friend, you can do this !!! In a few days you'll feel better, k. You can do this! Serenity prayer, lords prayer,over and over helped me to get thru these tough times,can u get to a meeting or at least a zoom mtg ?? Happy holidays,happy Sober holiday
1 Like
Trevor, Merry Christmas.
How are you holding up over there? I texted you twice and no response.
1 Like
I haven't received your texts, I apologize for that. Maybe they are going to my spam folder. I'll shoot you a text and see if you receive that? I'm doing a lot better as of lately. Tomorrow marks one week sober again. Merry Christmas!
Just as murky as things may be right now - just that clear, vivid and bright they SHALL become. That's a promise, not just words. My experience in taking the 12 steps.
1 Like
Trevor, Iâm sorry you chose to pick up a drink instead of reaching out and asking for HELP. Our pride will kill usâŠ. Jails. Institutions. Death.
Instead of asking you if you had stopped meetings or called someone, I have three pertinent questions.
- Were you checking yourself daily for anger, fear, resentments and selfish self centeredness?
- Were you praying and meditating each morning and night? Throughout the day?
- Were you helping another alcoholic?
Iâm guessing the answer in NO.
The chapter on How it Works starts out by sayingâŠ.. rarely have we seen a person fail that has thoroughly followed our path. Sounds like you have work to do with a good sponsor. A plan of ACTION is the key to long term sobriety. Best wishes
1 Like
For me, I joined the "no matter what club". When I got in a funky mood ( and in my 30 years of recovery it's happened often) I reached out to someone and talked it through. A closed mouth does not get fed. If I was determined to drink, drink I would! If I'm willing to talk to another person in recovery, I can stay sober
1 Like