Don’t beat yourself up just start over. I have 19 months and honestly get so anxious around a lot of alcohol I just always think about how bad things were and I think about all the people that have helped me and so far I haven’t picked up. I am avoiding many family things because a lot of drinking is involved. The only way for me is One Day At a Time. Just try to stay strong. I wish you the best. Not easy but can be done.
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Don’t be too hard on yourself. But why were you around alcohol if you know it’s an issue? We are all different but I don’t hang with people drinking anymore, problem solved.
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One thing I’ve found is people wanting to live the same lifestyle (friends, social engagements, parties) but sober, when most others are drinking. I don’t think it’s possible for most of us, especially early on. I made sobriety my #1 and it was/is lonely AF but I’m still sober.
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Happy Birthday! You'll get it this time! Look up, not down!
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Pick yourself, Belle, don’t beat yourself up too much about it, and move on. I’m only 35 days since my last relapse. No one was harder on me than me, but I saw it was serving no purpose other than depressing me and setting up another potential relapse. Be strong and busy yourself with positive things.
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Your recovery community here completely understands that, unfortunately, relapse is part of recovery and focus on today and what you need to be doing to see another sunrise. This involvement (aa meetings, if that’s for you, meditation/calmness, and just reaching out to like-minded, nonjudgmental people like you’re doing here- these are the thing that you can change and improve upon. What you did yesterday is done. If you like baseball analogies, you struck out in the 6th inning with players on base. But, guess what?! Today you’re in a whole new ballgame!! 
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I know these events were like two years ago but what I said applies to everyone of us at any time! Wishing you the home run!
It has taken me 2 years of sobriety, and working the 12 steps, and multiple meetings a week to finally have the obsession lifted. I had to learn that I am mentally as well as physically different from the average or temperate drinker. I cannot safely consume alcohol, bc once I do, the phenomenon of craving is introduced and my body demands MORE! All I ever wanted was to control and enjoy my drinking. To drink like I see other people doing. To enjoy it! If you're an alcoholic like me, then I'm sure you can relate. Mentally, I have an obsession which causes me to think about drinking far too often. To watch what people are drinking when I'm not, and I've even counted the number of drinks people were having. This is not something that "normal" drinkers do.
After having gone through the steps, and sticking close to AA, I walk a free man. I'm dating a woman who occasionally has a couple of drinks here and there. I've even had the same 3 beers in my fridge for over a month now!! That's definitely not something I'd recommend for anyone who is new. If the obsession hadn't been removed, I wouldn't be able to do those things. I would have given myself the excuse to drink ages ago, if it wasn't for AA. All I had to do was follow the suggestions of people who came before me, who spoke the same way I'm speaking now, and talking about how they RECOVERED from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Don't beat yourself up too bad, you cannot change the fact that you drank. You can only control your actions, reactions, and inactions moving forward. So what are you going to do differently this time?
Your new journey and chapter starts today! Like the other meaningful comments one day doesn’t define you or recovery. You got this! Stay positive, look up and surround yourselves with people who can be a solid influence. Happy birthday!!
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Relapse isn't part of recovery. It drives me nuts when people say that, and I'm not alone. For those of us who haven't picked up a drink since we started AA, it's just a lie. I know you don't mean it like this, but it's like you're telling me that I have to drink again after more than 2 years of continuous sobriety.
If I continue to do what I've done over the last 751 days, there's an excellent chance that I won't pickup a drink today. I would appreciate it if you would not say that as if it is a requirement of sobriety.
You'll be just fine. .My suggestion just get back up and keep pushing forward. You don't have to drink to change the way you feel.
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Andrew K ~~ I think what people mean is that recovery is not linear for everyone. Sometimes people make that ONE decision to never drink again & they never question it or look back. Some people have spontaneous sobriety. But for others it’s one step forward and two steps back because it’s difficult to change those neural pathways & forge a new path. They don’t mean that you HAVE to relapse as part of recovery. But it’s not a straight line for many. It’s difficult & some people have a lot of slip ups before true sobriety kicks in
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I stand by my words.
I don't have an "argument", just simply my experience (and that of at least 5 people off the top of my head" that once they joined AA, they never drank again. Relapsing is not a requirement for recovery.
Clearly we aren't reading the same comments. I wasn't shaming anyone for going back out, it was a direct response to the person I replied to.
We fall down , but we get up. The important thing is that you do not dive into morbid reflection. You are still worthy of God and still worth a strong recovery. Remember “Just for Today”
Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up too much. It's another day
It’s part of the process - just keep going forward 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
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We only have today. I spent so much time beating myself up, in the past, but I realized that it serves no purpose, other than to keep us in that cycle of misery and self medication. Time only moves forward and so must we. Even if you fall, it's in the right direction.