A few hours.
Even with this incredible little human I still can’t manage to pull myself out of the rut. This little guy stares at me like I’m the only thing in the world that matters. I want him to be MY ONLY concern. I don’t know what to do next. It’s really hard to ask for help and let your family know you’ve fucked it once again. “Imagine that” I know without asking for help things will just stay the same. I feel like if I were to get some one to help me with the baby a few dabs then I could “dry out” then just dig deep into this kind of stuff and God. I just need some help but I’m so ashamed cause it kills me my son wasn’t enough to not use the first time.
GOD JUST GET ME THROUGH THIS!
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I hear you!! I felt the same way and hid my little secret for over 15 years. I just came clean to family a little over a month ago. I went through medical detox and I am 31 days sober. I have 4 children and I hear what you are saying but now Is the time to get help and be who you want to be. Time doesn’t stand still.
I am shocked at how supportive friends and family have been.
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Guilt and shame keeps us down in the weeds. Try to let that go and take that step forward. You can do this 
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Kayla, you just made the first step, admitting you have a problem. I’ve learned that asking my family for help only made things worse as I had nothing but high expectations of what their help should be like. The fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous can offer us a solution to our common problem. There we can and will find the support we need to get through some of the toughest times in early sobriety. Self pity will slip away when we begin to work the steps. Only requirement is the desire to stop drinking. I’m here for you. Keep asking questions. Make new friends that are sober and working a program.
This program has changed my life, my outlook on what my life should be like, and what people should be like. It’s a G0d shot that got me where I am today.
You don't have to tell people you relapsed at first. What you need to do is get the app. In the rooms and get advice from a womens AA meeting. You don't even have to leave your child. You can just mute your mic on your phone and handle stuff but still listen to other women share how they are staying sober for support.
Alcoholism is a disease. It’s not a lack of will. Quitting without help is about as easy as quitting diabetes. So you would be doing yourself a big favor by showing yourself some grace.
12 step program saved my life. 100%. And it’s one of many programs of recovery that get fantastic results for alcoholics like me. Go to meetings. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. And the hopelessness will fade. The compulsion to drink is lifted. All you have to do is 1% commit to change. Seriously. Just be open enough to recognize that your way isn’t working, and that another way can.
Just sending you compassion and my wish for your pain to go away. 
Every moment you feel the desire to quit is another day your going toward change.
These days matter, these are the days that build the strength and motivation to push through day one, and all the days that follow.
You are setting the intention, you are putting the foundations up, your noticing your reasons.
Asking for the help is the hardest thing an addict can do . This is not easy. Give yourself some grace.
Get yourself to a meeting, or chat with a sober ally. You don’t have to be alone in this
How are you doing?