I am a year and 6 months clean. I live in a sober house, I am through the steps, I have a sponsee, a very strong network, a great sponsor, everything I need is right in front of me. I keep getting in my own way. I want to change, and be better (kind, loving, caring, helpful, honest) but I find it easier to just go back to what’s comfortable which is being the “bad guy”, not giving a f***, speeding in my car, having unprotected s** left and right, quitting jobs, etc. I really don’t know if I want to change, all I know is I don’t like who I am. It’s overwhelming and I don’t really know where to start with all of this. I also feel like with a year and half I should be doing a lot better.
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No advice, but your honesty is gonna be your best ally. Maybe start super small. Give encouragement here on this app. Could it be that this is all just a part of your soul's journey? Not where you want to be but not where you used to be either. They say it takes a month (I'd say 4 months) for every year you were "out there" to "return to sanity."
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Time and effort my friend. Pay attention and reward yourself each time you choose NOT to take the easier softer way!' A simple pat on the back and an "attaboy". Just
make sure to be proud of yourself for doing right.
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We have all been there, just as best you can surrender to the HP. You are still 20 and have a whole life experience to go through. I am sure those hormones are killing you but because you have recovery you try to better where you can.
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Well TRUST the process. I got SOBER at 23. Had a lot of hang ups. This month. I'm 35 years SOBER. LIFE isn't perfect. It never will be. All we have is a DAILY CHOICE. Be a LONGTERM THINKER In regards to CHANGING. IT really isn't a overnight matter. With your Honesty. It goes a long way
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For me I was doing a lot of the same things and didn't like the guy I saw in the mirror. A therapist had me write down my values. Looking at them I wasn't living any of them. Moving forward I made a concentrated effort to have my actions match my values on a daily basis. It helped immensely.
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Listen to these responses, dont just hear them, and know that your decisions will affect everyone around you
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Please don’t throw your 20s away and / or the next twenty years plus on alcohol, substances…it is not worth it.
I did not begin drinking heavily until my mid-30s-while now, fifteen years after I knew it was a problem, the regrets eat away at me, during so many moments.
I can never get the time back. None of us can.
You will never get this time back. Your entire life is ahead of you.
I’m tearing up because to be your age and realize that sobriety is worth it, is absolutely priceless.
Please be patient and do not drink, use. You will throw your life away if you do…and you are worth more than that.
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I know the feeling. I find that setting up goals and the feeling of achieving them help keep me going. Goal for today was to get a great workout. Goal for the year is make more money. Both of these goals are a lot easier to achieve by staying sober. Keep your head up you got 18 months. Keep it going you got this.
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Focus on just one thing you want to change about yourself and work on that alone. Take whichever you believe will be the easiest to change so that once you do you will have a win and hopefully the courage and confidence to work on another. Good luck. You can do it!
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Anthan, you and very other person in recovery has had those same feelings…..when i understood that sobriety was the only thing that mattered and that i needed to grow…i put my head down and regained control of my actions because they never worked before so why continue…Keith Kayle
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What would you tell your sponsee if they were having a similar problem?? I might repeat step 4 and do an inventory on myself, look at my character flaws and see if that uncovers anything??