1 thing that confuses me is that I keep hearing whenever I go to meetings that relapses will happen…. I even have a addiction therapist who tells me the same exact thing … but I think hearing that relapses will happen psychologically gives me the green light to have a relapse and that’s what I don’t want . I enjoy being sober and being able to enjoy my days with my wife & daughter without being hungover
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I totally get your point. I think that the messaging is intended to be “if you relapse, it’s OK, you can still get sober” but it comes off often as this will happen to you because it happened to me, but if you listen to the stories of the old timers, in my experience, the majority of them I’ve met never touched a drink again and never relapsed.
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Do you hear that when someone comes back from a relapse, or is it a mantra that you hear all the time?
I think it is the same as when we tell each other to be kind to ourselves. Slips happen, mistakes are made, we are not perfect. Sometimes we need to hear that it is ok to have a lapse in judgment. The lessons come in what was learned.
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Hi Jay, This also felt like a sticky point for me in early recovery. I attended both NA and AA meetings (I have all the addictions!) I definitely felt this relapse culture prominently in my evening NA meetings.
I was told by an advisor to find early morning AA meetings. In early morning meetings you might find a larger proportion of people who have more time under their belt. I found a 6 am in person meeting and it did not disappoint. I called it my wise elder circle. Everyone was so calm and grounded. I believe I had my most potent moments of clarity there.
I hope the opportunity is available for you. If not, it may be that there is a better culture fit meeting for you online. It made a big difference to me to stabilize my recovery doctrine when I found people who were primarily focused on the advanced years of recovery. I got a lot out of the night meetings still. It reminded me of where I had been. But the morning meetings showed me where I could go.
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I believe mind over matter we should never fall into the mind-set of what others expect of us. But always go with how we see ourselves succeeding and proving them wrong.
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When my partner hears that she gets bothered by it too Jay so I definitely see your point. Like some said on here it’s more of a pick yourself up if you do, mistakes happen we are all human.
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I agree with this Jay. It is almost like them telling you to fail. Just do the next right thing. I know for me to drink again is for me to lose everything I have gained, not to mention my life. I pray everyday that I can stay strong and so far with almost 3 years it’s working. I haven’t been with my brothers or nephew the entire time because they are alcoholic and don’t respect what I am doing. They think we just shouldn’t pick up. Doesn’t work that way. Stay strong. You got this. Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Not relapsing is a choice you now have since your sober. I have friends that have been sober 30 years and never relapsed. I also have friends who have had multiple relapses before achieving long term sobriety. The good news is now we have a choice we never had while using. Staying sober is a daily task. We only get a 24 reprieve on a daily basis. Congrats on your sobriety.
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That was 24 hour reprieve. 
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It doesn’t give you a green light. I think they’re just telling you that if you do you can always come back..!!
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You have to choose to relapse. You just don’t magically end up intoxicated.
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Relapse is not mandatory by any means.
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Relapse doesn’t have to be part of your story
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No, relapse does happen but not for everyone. It certainly doesn’t have to happen.
Keep working the steps, going to meetings and talking with your sponsor. You’ll see.
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My thoughts are it's like Russian roulette for me if I dare go put will I ever make it back? Would I have another recovery left in me.I don't know that I do so I chose to not test the waters 
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