1 year, 6 months, 14 days. I never thought I’d get this far…I sat and talked with my mom the other day. Listened to her cry, because she thought I’d be dead by now. My drinking was killing me…and even sobriety tried it’s hand at taking me out. It’s hard to look back and realize what a scary place I was in, and to realize that I didn’t even recognize how bad it was. My sobriety trip has been anything but normal.
I quit with an active alcoholic in my home who pressured me to continue drinking.
I didn’t do AA or have any type of support group - BUT I did have my mother.
I didn’t plan on sobriety…I planned on a temporary fix to “prove” I didn’t have a problem.
My drying up gave me the full range of issues from the shakes, not being able to eat…like at all, audio and visual hallucinations, migraines, you name it, and I got it.
I feel so lucky every day, because given my circumstances I shouldn’t still be sober. The odds were not in my favor.
Now I’m facing alcoholism from the other side. Trying to get my “partner” (the situation sucks, I’ve talked about him before and he’s been pretty terrible and I’ve stayed. Through the cheating, drinking, anger issues, and so much more- and that’s on me) sober. He is, regardless of where WE wind up, the father of my child. I want to see him be healthy for her. I want to know she’s safe with him.
Now I see the struggle from the other side. He can’t see (or refuses to) he has a problem despite the driving drunk, the blackouts, the sickness, and the many people who are pushing for him to take a step forward. Those people who are stuck with the acceptance that he might just die if he doesn’t figure it out. I feel like I’ve tried everything in my arsenal and am at a loss for what to do. But I also don’t think I can keep living this way - in this hostile, alcoholic, unloving environment. It may be time to draw a boundary and kick him out…and that hurts too.
I’m not here asking for advice, or empathy - I made this bed, and now I have to sleep in it…but when I say I have no support group (other than my mother) I mean it. He broke my friendships and boxed me off from anyone he could. So sometimes I just need a place to vent and get it all out. Then I can put my big girl panties on and deal with this mess.
Sadly, we can’t make others get sober if they don’t want too. Sad story yet not uncommon. Codependency can be an uncompromising rut to climb out of. Hope you stay strong and do what is necessary and keep that sobriety first and foremost. Without it nothing else will matter.
True, but without my mom pushing - I likely would have never made the step - even though I thought I’d just be proving her wrong about me having a problem. I keep hoping that something I say will trigger him - in the right way. I’m a “fixer” by nature - I always want to help everyone. This might just be a battle I can’t win, and that’s a hard pill to swallow.
Wow Marie! Your story is extraordinary! You have so much strength! Congrats on your recovery! I’ve been down the horrible road addiction, and have done some of the same things to my wife and family that your husband has been doing to you and yours. I have been blessed with a new life, and a second chance. I can only hope and pray your spouse can find his bottom, and the way out. Nobody can tell you what to do. Not sure there’s a “right” way to do this. I certainly know there is no easy way. The only thing I must say is that it would be great if you can find a support group for you. A few ladies to share with would be so beneficial for you and your recovery. Most will tell you to run., however, all you need is 1 or 2 that will listen and support you regardless of how you choose to proceed. The only places I know where to find these women would be thru the 12 step groups for loved ones of alcoholics/addicts. If your husband is ever willing to get help and do the work, I have some other suggestions for you guys to heal. Miracles can and do happen, but it does take two. Either way, I appreciate your share and will pray for you and your family. In the meantime, stay sober! 
So you can’t go to AA or you don’t want to?
I dislike AA. I went to a couple meetings in the very beginning and wound up with a stalker. That alone would have put me off of it, but it was just not really my “thing” I’m semi antisocial these days.
I think it's definitely time for the big girl panties. Do you have a church or therapy group you can reach out to or lean on. Best of luck. Prayers sent for strength 
Hey Marie, there is a meeting tonight hosted by the ceo of loosid. It is at 7:30 est on zoom if you are interested. He and the others from the app may be a good place to start on building a community. There is a post by MJ that has all the debts for the meeting.
Not religious, no therapy “groups” where I live - it’s a small town. Been on a waiting list for counseling for over eight months. Fingers crossed something opens up.
Don’t shut people out.can not do this a lone!!!
Maybe some, granted - very few, are meant to do this alone? I mean, I have been doing it when people literally thought I would be dead by now. Maybe being alone is teaching me something.
Hi Marie, your story of resilience and determination is admirable, isn’t it funny when our determination to prove we don’t have a problem turns into us accepting there is a problem. I also got sober on my own with no support besides my parents. I only sought out community (online) when my third year was coming to a close. What I can say is that community makes things more manageable. There are lots of alternatives to AA that offer online meetings: The Luckiest Club, Tempest, SMART Recovery, Recovery Dharma, The Sober Faction, Refuge Recovery. I am rooting for you, only you can make the decision for what to do next, but with a clear and sober mind that decision should be easier. Remember to do what’s best for you, whatever that looks like, because we must take care of ourselves first. Sending you strength and love, if you ever want to talk I am available.
My own experience is that when you start to set boundaries his addiction will tell him its time to move on to safer place for it (the addiction). I got to the point where my addiction was the new real me and I was only it’s caretaker