132 days

Struggling Help
#1

I’m struggling today…. I don’t have a direct urge or craving to use or drink but I’m definitely feeling like maybe the start of what could be the “relapse before the relapse.”

It’s more the emotional aspect… just have a lot of feelings going on and I’m noticing my initial reaction is to want to isolate. I lost my license last Monday and the reality of it hit me this weekend as I tried to navigate getting around on the bus — which also helped me realize that not many of my friends have reached out to hangout so I don’t do a lot of socializing outside of things recovery based. Most of my friends either threw or went to Halloween parties this weekend, and it sucked not even being thought of or checked in on.

Todays also a benchmark day for me… the first time I tried to get sober was Dec 2021 & I made it 132 days before I relapsed. I know this times different because I’m doing the hard internal work, have a sponsor, Etc but id be lying if I said I haven’t thought about drinking a lot lately.

I know brighter days are ahead, I know losing my license is not the end of the world & I know I’ll eventually find ways to socialize but idk… today I am just struggling and feeling alone.

Thankful for this app to give me a place to talk without judgement. I need to use this more…

Thanks for listening

Happy Halloween!

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#2

It is ok to have an urge or feeling, acknowledge it and not act on it. Life is hard. Sobriety is harder. Give yourself some grace. You are doing great!

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#3

I only want to escape every day it’s ok to not be ok 

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#4

hi Stephanie, i just want you to know i’m incredibly proud of the 132 days. i truly hope you can overcome these feelings, it’s totally fine that you’re feeling them, and it’s very good that you acknowledge brighter days are ahead and the cravings should pass with that. i know you can pull through steph, stay strong🤍

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#6

Happy Halloween. Life is hard but remember that the bad is temporary too. This to shall pass is my favorite and most difficult saying you accept. And a license doesn’t always make things easier right? No car to up keep and no reason for stops we don’t need to make. You are doing great on 132 days! Keep being awesome

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#7

Thank you all… your support and encouragement definitely helped my mood! Grateful the recovery community is so solid and supportive

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#8

These are the times when you know your true friends. I lost my DL on 10/31/2017. I have another 5 to go. Relying on Public Transportation has nudged me to explore the City. By doing so I have met a lot of great people in recovery. It still sucks not having DL but I’m not home confined or in prison. It’s just another adventure

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#9

Hey I’m struggling right there with ya. The longest I’ve ever had sober was 2.5 yrs and I lost it in a relapse years ago. It’s a daily fight to surrender, especially with my other health problems that precipitate a relapse. The journey continues

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#10

I’m with you about the license. Lost mine in July and have court on Thursday which will be the start of my probation. It gets me really depressed but then I think about the fact that if I was caught on everything thing I did while in active addiction then I would probably be locked up longer than my license loss. I just had to change the mindset a little bit. It’s good that you are noticing signs of a relapse so that you can reach out here and to your sponsor. You have done 132 days so far, you just need to do that again :two_hearts:

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#11

My story is similar to yours. I had 2.5 years but then I relapsed the summer of Covid and have been trying to get long term sobriety since.

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#12

I agree… I’m absolutely grateful that it’s just loss of license & im also on probation but it could’ve been way worse. I guess since it just happened I’m in the adjustment period so I know it just takes time. Thank you so much for sharing your hope with ne

#13

Hang in there and stay the course! You will thank yourself one day! I lost basically all of my so called friends because of my sobriety. And holidays can be especially difficult. It took some time but eventually I acquired real friends. I’ve been sober for over three years now and my only regret is not putting in the work sooner. But I couldn’t picture life being remotely interesting without alcohol. Let alone fun. I once lost everything I put after my sobriety but since I’ve put my sobriety first everything that have in my life is second to none! I have REAL friendships and a REAL relationship with my son. Keep going and I promise you one day that you’ll wonder why you even had the thoughts that you are right now!! You got this!!!

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#14

Thank you so much for sharing your hope with me!!!

#15

Well said Eric. I think the biggest thing newly sober folks need to understand is it takes time to build new friendships and the old ones more often then not were built around drinking/using. If you’re lucky enough to have family, the improvement in those relationships more then makeup for the loss of your “friends”….and in time, you will rebuild your network of friends. Be kind to yourself, the work/days add up and so does your feeling of self worth. Keep at it…one day at a time. :smiley:

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#16

132 days do not hit the reset button Get through today it’s one day just don’t drink Let be the example that it never gets better not one bit The remorse anxiety losses jackpots everything gets worse not better so I might sound hypocritical having 7 days but having been in and out for the better part of 20 years I promise you it’s not worth it

#17

Stephanie be proud of 132 days and knowing your issues …. That will help you stay strong. Forget your friends for now they might just want to give you your space and not entice you or maybe they just don’t care…. Who needs friends like that if it’s the latter. Stay strong and stay sober you know what happens when you get loaded.

#18

Lost my license for four months. It was a blessing in disguise. Slowed me down enough to see the world around me. I biked most places and walked my kids to school. Find the positives with the speed bumps you encounter. :blush: