I'm finding myself in a weird sort of situation where, I just wish I had a vice.
Not a creative outlet because I'm an artist I draw whatever I want or how I'm feeling
But it doesn't scratch that itch. I just want a vice
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It's such a difficult road
And it's hard to sew why I even started in the first place
I feel like I'm drawn to secrecy
Right, I believe I understand what you are experiencing. Sometimes for me it feels like I'm looking for a " substitute " Something to take the place of the substance abuse and alcohol that can at least bring a little of those feelings that using brought. I can almost visualize at times this almost book like image in my head. Where I'm flipping through these pages in my head trying to find the one thing or one activity that might fill whatever void it is I'm experiencing. I realize it is the feeling I am actually looking for. Not the thing or activity. Difficult to explain but I think those that experience this understand Sorry for not having an answer for this but know you are not alone
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I appreciate you- it is comforting to know I am not crazy in this feeling
You certainly are not. 
My vices are golf, mountain biking, my relationships with God, family and a funny looking little dog. They are more than enough to fulfill me.
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Highly recommend ceegars.
D@mn, never heard someone WANTING a vice. Food is a great one. Or a particular food, say Sushi, I've cream, sumn like that.
As an artist, you have to learn to just let that creativity flow. Same goes with thoughts feelings and emotions. Just find someone you trust and can 'flow" with. Let the secrets flow along w the rest.
You are absolutely not crazy and I’m glad you posted this bc I’ve been feeling the exact same way recently. I vape which is bad. I need to stop but even that doesn’t seem to cut it for me. So frustrating… It literally put me in a bad mood last night. What the heck?!?
Every now and then I’ll make small rebellions. Like - take a day when not sick, go crazy on something obsessive, take off and travel even if a little irresponsible. Lots of things are game when sober.
I have some vices and it’s ok. Sharing it and hearing back - “me too,”or “its all good” is an extremely helpful thing - drops the walls and shame and connects you
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My vices now are shopping, vaping, and working out... I think our addict brain are just wired to crave vices..its why people substitute when they get sober.
I’m listening to this great book called The War of Art that may be worth a read or listen. I know, personally, I was like an addiction hopper. Going from one vice to another, like I didn’t know how to not have a secret that gave me those cheap dopamine hits. Idk if that’s relatable at all or not, sorry if I’m off the mark here! Working on it all in therapy but the book has given me a few “a ha” moments as well.
I know exactly what you mean
You have to be tortured to be creative ?
Me too
Sour gummies and spicy water ...(sparkling)