The definition of recovery is A return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. I’m on day three and that’s all I’ve been trying to achieve. I ate my first full meal. I’ve showered. I’ve been maintaining. I have finally noticed all my aches and pains. All my bruises from falling when blacked out are in the deep purple/greenish stage. My body is angry with me. I’m angry at me. My hands are also really shaky which I find annoying, but it’s the price I must pay. I just hope to never have to repeat this stage again. Im scared because I have gone through this stage countless times. I’m just hoping this will be the last. With that comes waves of anxiety and uncertainty. So many questions come to me and I don’t have the answers…so I scroll mindlessly through Fb, or put on a good show to block out all those thoughts. Not sure if that’s the right thing I should be doing?? I need to start looking for a AA meeting but even that gets me overwhelmed and clammy. My mind is also super foggy. I can feel it trying to peer it’s way out but I think I still need a few more days of rest until that happens. It just started raining here and that makes me happy. Think I’ll sit on my porch and keep fighting these demons. Don’t necessarily have the urge to drink but I’m definitely afraid of my future and thoughts. Sorry for the novel just trying my best to describe my healing process so maybe one day I can look back and see how far I’ve come. 
Sending strength and love. Deep breaths, just get to bedtime. A few more days and you’ll feel so much clearer.
Thank you.
If you’re committed to not drinking, the only thing that matters right now is doing just that: not drinking.
Keep an eye on the shakes, if it gets bad you could need medical help. Hopefully it doesn’t.
Keep scrolling, posting, watching, whatever you gotta do. I’m rooting for you. It’s a good reminder for me, too.
Thank you so much for the advice. My body has calmed a bit. I’m pretty sure I’ll be alright and pull through. Thank you.
Hang on… hang in… hang around…
I could "send you positive vibes, man" or "pray for you" or cross my fingers or any number of those things that really are nothing more that friendly, polite gestures. And those are all great things because they are postive, right?
But instead, I will tell you to get off your a$$ and hit up some meetings. You're in the regret stage right now, it's fresh. Get somewhere where you can absorb real life positive support, where you can interact and not feel like an alien, because everyone in the room will be able to relate to you. AA might not be the best for you in the end, that's your decision. But for now, it's free. It's easily available. It's a good start. The first few meetings can really suck. New people. It's in a weird smelly church etc but the weirdness will fade. Take your life seriously. Take the lives of the people you effect seriously. Get in there, introduce yourself, have some shìtty coffee and just listen. All the things your feeling and going through right now, everyone here and at those meetings has been through, probably many times. Don't trip.