3 weeks, still shaky tho I think it’s turned from withdrawals to anxiety. I had a glass of wine and it only reminded me why I don’t want to be that person. I wanted more, the whole bottle, two bottles, but left it at one glass. I wish I wouldn’t have even taken a sip. I didn’t get relief, just guilt. I’m not craving the drink. I’m craving the way it released the tension in my shoulders, the way it steadied my hand when painting, the way it calmed me down. I don’t want to get drunk or be buzzed. I want to take a deep breath and feel relieved. I don’t want a pill to pull me through. I’m worried I’d only start relying more on the pill like I did the vodka. I’m still trudging forward one long, hard, shaky step at a time.
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I would suggest just giving it more time. I am almost at a year the first month especially sucks because we do what we know. I ride my bike now and instead of drinking I usually find myself being productive. I am an artist too and I like my art better now. Good luck life is stressful especially during the holidays.
It took me a few months to really get it. I was shaky, guilt ridden and full of anxiety. I had to admit I needed the pills to level my brain out. Lexapro works for me. It does get better if you are honest and work a program of some kind. And think of the money you will save from not buying booze… you can get a massage to release the tension!
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Hey Jenny! Two things and sorry for the TL;DR:
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Know that feeling awful in the first month is totally normal. If you were like me, you probably poisoned your body for many years. We won’t suddenly feel better after only 3 weeks of clean living after many years of damage. It’s the same for a sugar addict going cold turkey or someone who is dieting for weight loss for the first time feeling exhausted/irritable. I call it “getting past the trench”. Before you get past the trench, you have to get into it and fall a little deeper before you crawl out on the much higher and smoother side. I relapsed in my 4th week the first time for this exact reason. But, what I didn’t know at the time is…
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It’s absolutely temporary and 100% will go away. This 2nd time around (I’m almost at 1 month now
) it has been so much easier just simply knowing what to expect. Just know that when you are feeling awful in the beginning, it’s really your body healing and your brain healing literally rewiring itself.
There is an amazing book called “Under the Influence” that breaks down the science on this exact thing. I highly suggest giving it a read!
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Keep going!! Everything is gonna be fine!
Keep your head up Jenny! This disease is so very cunning, baffling and powerful. One is too much but twenty isn’t enough. So grateful that I have a choice today!! Keep doing the next right thing. One second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time. It’s not always easy but it is definitely beyond worth it!!!!
You are very wise not to rely on the pills for relief. Keep up the the good fight. We are all in a similar situation. I use exercise, tea, calm mg to help my anxiety. I know for me my body makes too much adrenaline so when I'm having too much anxiety I try to remember to breathe and keep in mind that adrenaline is quick acting and if I hold on long enough my system will burn itself out and I will be able to relax without drugs or alcohol.
You got this