Three long years filled with arduous days, but I am grateful for the personal growth, acceptance and willingness to change my ways.
I never thought I would be where I am today; pre-addiction, prime addiction nor post addiction. I know my issue always was a deep discomfort within myself. Still to this day, just a little less than yesterday, everyday. The desire to want to be accepted, loved, attempting to drown personal trauma all while trying to escape the mental agony. Always feeling like I was alone in a room, wanting to feel apart of instead of feeling apart from. Eventually, that’s what I wanted, to be left alone in the dark with a bottle & my insidious thoughts. I don’t know what/who came over me three years ago, sitting in Canonsburg Hospital, that blurted out, “I think I need to go to rehab.” Forever grateful that God was doing something for me that I know I couldn’t & wouldn’t have done for myself. I want to say that this has been a hard and challenging process but I know that the hardest and most challenging part was the day I gave up my will and came to terms that I needed help beyond my own capacity.
Forever grateful for the ones I get to call my friends today, the people that push me more than I can push myself. Somedays I feel like I’ve gotten no where but another day down and, TRULY, I’m grateful for that because a lot of people like me don’t even get that fighting chance. On the other hand, I know and have the ability to see the amount of progress I have made in the last three years and how much I have changed. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes it’s just a little bit harder to recognize because you sit with yourself daily.
All I have is today, so I’m grateful for yet ANOTHER monotonous day filled with gratitude, acceptance & the willingness to change my ways. The ability to make a conscious decision today is priceless. Thank God for that.. I pray I’m able to keep that ability throughout all days, good and bad.
