34 days on working meetings etc , relationship with wife very Rocky hope we make it however I will remain sober , her bringing up my past our past daily is killing me , affection , trust , 20 yrs of dealing with etc ,,, rough
I hear you brother. I know from experience that this is not easy. Be patient with both yourself and her. You both have been thru a lot of 
. Keep going to meetings and working your recovery program. If you continue to keep your side of the street clean, the past will slowly become less painful and traumatic for your wife. She will be a bit conflicted as she sees the new you, but is still angry and hurt. Hopefully she will seek help so that she can recover and move forward. It’s a process for you both as individuals, and the both of you as a couple. Acknowledge all of it. If you can, try and listen to her vent without interrupting. Allow her a safe space to share her pain. I know it’s hard to listen to, but it’s part of accepting our wrongs. It took me a few months to get to a point where I didn’t feel the need to defend myself or justify my actions. Heck, it’s still not easy. It’ll be 18 months next week for me, and I can see the hurt will never completely go away. However, the intensity and frequency has come wayyyy down. Now when it surfaces, I just feel bad that she’s hurting, and I try and offer support. It ain’t easy bro, but it is possible…even though I had my doubts
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Thank you
Oh man that can be brutal, but so is living with an alcoholic or addict.
The 12 steps are specifically designed to help a person deal with these problems. What usually happens as a result of working the steps is a transformation into living a spiritual life. Significant others see these changes and they come around. Your best chance is to stay sober and change into a new man. It’s a good look my friend.
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Thx man