4-5days every week I struggle with the 5:00 mood to have a drink which generally turns into 3/4 of a bottle of wine or whatever I’m feeling. This follows by eating junk or even overeating my healthy food, but high calorie things. My partner drinks every night but he can handle it. He also k owns he drinks too much but it doesn’t get him down like it does me. It’s part of what we do together. I wake up so remorseful and hating myself. I somehow manage to never give up saying “ today is a new day” and go about my day, eating healthy, working out, etc. and talking to myself all day about that 5 o’clock struggle. (I do feel like I’m dragging after a night of drinking so my workouts are not as great as days I don’t drink). But generally alcohol wins. I am retired. I’ve tried all the tips and tricks but they go out the the window at 5. If I wait it out for an hour or two, I’m pretty much over it. But I don’t have the tools to ride it out most nights. So frustrating. I’m older now and know that not only does this cause weight gain, but takes years off my quality of life or length of life. I’ve been a fitness junky, (a trainer for some years as well) all of my life and eat crazy healthy until the evening hours. We have great friends that we socialize with. Most everyone drinks, but in moderation. I’m an all or nothing person which I suppose means I have issues with alcohol. Anyone like me? I’m new to this app since last week and changed my sober date 3 times already. Started again this morning. Today is once again my new sober date. 
. As I sit here this morning again full of hope, writing here for the first time and still thinking today is a new day! Why can’t I just drink moderately or when with friends for special occasions? Is this a sure sign of alcoholism or should I just say I don’t have a good relationship alcohol? My adult children have seen me with one too many and I tell you, if this isn’t a horrible thing to observe I don’t know what is. I’ve managed to drink very moderately or not at all when they are visiting so that’s a good thing.
There are 3 things which I did that I suggest to you.
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Go to 90 meetings in 90 days.
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Do the next right thing, one day at a time. Sometimes the only right thing we can do is not use.
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Get a sponsor in your meetings and use them to start going through the steps.
The rest of that in your post beyond your desire to stop drinking sounds like untreated alcoholism.
Hi, Kat.
Welcome to LOOSID.
Be proud of yourself for showing up and for sharing.
I have nothing against AA.
I have been to meetings and it is one of the tools I use, utilize. One of.
( I definitely do not go to meetings every day or every week ).
AA is not for everyone.
Helpful to and for many-while not for everyone.
I started by reading blogs.
Belle Robertson started one a while back.
It is called Tired of Thinking About Drinking.
Again. I am not against AA.
While it was too overwhelming for me to think about ninety meeting in ninety days. Especially when I began the journey to, towards not drinking.
I started second by second, meaning taking it second by second.
I kept ( still keep myself distracted ).
I read about cravings. Which seem to last for about fifteen minutes.
Please do not quote me on that. There is a lot of information via the web about cravings.
Also.
Folks like Dr. Gabor Mate, Laura McKowen, many others have sites focused on recovery.
Recovery Elevator is another site. The sites and resources available are endless, really.
You sound self-aware.
I hope you are proud of yourself for recognizing what is going on and that alcohol makes everything worse. Life is better without it. You will find solid information and support via this app, Kat.
Rooting for you!
Hi again, Kat.
It sounds as if you have experience with engaging in physical training / fitness.
Do you partake in meditation / yoga / breath work?
Backed by research…these activities help with cravings.
I mentioned Belle Robertson who has a 100 Day Challenge.
Why not start with a challenge of a month and / or more?
How about we do not drink today, Kat?
Just today.
Thank you Sarim. Your responses made me cry. I have checked out Belle Robertson podcast and added her to my library. Will look into other recs as well. Yes, I do yoga but not great at meditation. I’m not sure if AA is something I can pursue but there may come a time. I start with challenges every single day. Over the past years sometimes they last 6 weeks, sometimes a few years but since I’ve been retired it is more difficult. Having a partner who drinks a lot is another obstacle, although I’ve overcome his temptations to drink with him in the past. Yes , just for today…I’m not going to drink. I can usually go two to 3 days as my body can’t take it everyday. Thank you for your support. Just for today…..