4 years clean & sober, my mother died on November 8, and on Christmas I found out my husband has been having an affair for 6 years. Ps, she’s always known he was married. I don’t want to drink or use; honestly, I’ll stay sober out of spite until I can get my head on somewhat straight. My issue is I want to lash out, I’m so angry and hurt that I want them to hurt. I have said disgusting things to both of them, I’ve wished extreme pain and suffering on them. And I can’t stop. I don’t want to be the person I have worked so hard not to be, but she’s been poked by a stick and wide awake.
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They deserve each other and YOU deserve better. She can continue having affairs with men who don't want to commit to her and your ex can continue cheating and making both parties miserable. You don't need to get in the mud with that. Hold your head high, make your Mom proud and walk away from that toxicity while maintaining your sobriety. Don't let any man or woman anger you into a mean person. That's their world, not yours. Hugs to you. Stay strong. You're worth it. Tell 'em, "Buy Felicia".
First, you don't deserve what they have done. Second you are human. Be angry, it is natural. In fact so natural that there is a whole industry created so people can express rage without problems. I can't remember what they are called, but basically they put you in a room filled with breakable and hand you a bat. I used to go split wood until I was tired. Find a healthy outlet for the rage. It is part of the process.
Ouch. Life can be a b*tch for sure. Steven had great advice. Are you surrounded by others in recovery? Meetings? You’re doing the right thing venting. Just don’t pick up and learn a new life. You’re not alone.
Fuc*k them. You have to think very selfishly now and do not give into letting them have any more precious time or energy of yours! Focus on channeling that anger. Anger can be one of the most beautiful tools. Go for a walk, run, bike, swim, kickboxing class, hit class, something YOU like and can willingly do. Get that energy to literally move through you. Become so wrapped up in this new routine of exercise/movement that it becomes your new healthy obsession. Just please be careful and mindful of your body and what it needs.
(Stretch before strenuous exercise, especially when you’re angry) also I personally find yoga and holding poses (3 to 5 minutes) extremely beneficial to calming down and grounding myself. But the anger is going to come out in more quick movements. Write a letter to both of them and then read it out loud and burn the letter. Visualize their life force and happiness burning with the letter. (Always be careful using fire and make sure you can put it out and leave no trace of embers or anything lit/smoking)
These are just some suggestions I have tried. I have huge anger issues and have been through this same scenario before. You can get through this. Your mom is with you every step of the way cheering you on to move forward and do the next right thing. Give yourself some grace and love. You deserve love and health❤
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