461 days sober. Just found out my fiancé was messaging to meet up with other women again…we split up a few years ago for this same thing (and aggression issues) and I took him back after almost a year and thought our time apart had reminded him what we had. I guess I was wrong again. Just had a girl show me messages he’s been sending her since Sept. of last year. Completely random and super strange how it came about, but it did - and I’m sure this isn’t the only girl….He’s now upset with me because it’s my fault because I quit drinking and am not “fun” anymore. He’s a raging alcoholic who refuses to take the step away from it. He’s now sitting in his car doing the suicidal “I’m a fuck up and if it wasn’t for our child I’d off myself” thing, as is his pattern - and I just don’t have it in me to continue to be there for him when he so obviously hasn’t been there for me. It all feels so very manipulative. My empathy is my weak spot, and he consistently uses it to his advantage. To distract from the issue - be it his cheating, his drinking, his anger….I feel like an ass because I have been so broken down that I just don’t have the energy to do it anymore. Really just needed to vent - in the past I’d just reach for the vodka and wash it all away - and while there’s a part of me that would love to fall back in to the “easy” way - I can’t. So venting is all I get right now.
Good for you. Stay strong. Be there for that child. This is a selfish program and it’s all about you and being responsible. Hang in there and do what’s right. Stay sober.
His manipulation is a form of abuse. It’s time to walk away for good. His mental health and alcoholism is not healthy for your recovery. Put yourself first sis, he’s definitely not making you a priority. Utilize every resource you can get to get out of that relationship.
He sounds very narcissistic! Blaming you for his betrayal!!! Get out sister!! I was married to one of those for 25years!!
Experienced same and now he messages trying to sabotage my recovery I will prevail and be a better person. You deserve better you got this
Doing what is best for you is the best thing for your child. You will feel more empowered after the dust settles. Eliminating toxicity will help simplify your life.
With 461 days sober, I trust you are strong and know what to do. Toxic people only want you to fail. Sometimes we have to realize the one we thought was “the one “ really isn’t!! We can’t change people, only ourselves!!
Good Morning Marie! First, congrats on your successful continuous sobriety! You are obviously doing a lot of things right. As recovering alcoholics, we know we know we need to put our sobriety first. Without sobriety we have nothing. You are doing exactly that. You are a shining example to us of how to live life on life’s terms without drinking. It’s one thing to know this is his problem, and is no reflection of you. However, that doesn’t take away the feelings of being betrayed, lied to, and self doubt. These are feelings that you need to process properly so that you can maintain your sobriety. You don’t want to let the disappointment and anger turn into resentments. We alcoholics love to drink over resentments. He is a sick man. Typical of him to blame you for his problems. That’s what we do when we are actively involved in our addictions. Our minds fabricate the truth so we can rationalize our behaviors. He’s cross addicted, and needs help for both his alcoholism and sex/love addiction. Again this no reflection of you. He’s trying to fill that big hole in his soul with all of these addictions. As you do the right thing and process your feelings, he’s numbing his with his disease. Use all of your support systems (AA meetings, sponsor, the fellowship of sober sisters, prayer/meditation, this app etc). Be strong 
, have faith 
, take care of yourself, and pray for your fiancé as well. We are here to support you. You are not alone! Try using the serenity prayer every on the hour for the next few days. It’s a simple, but very powerful prayer. Wishing you the strength and the courage to continue facing life without drinking. Also hoping your fiancé finds help as well. Your child needs you and deserves to have a healthy father as well. It’s time like this I hate this disease. I hate the wreckage I created in my own life, and I hate see the destruction it does in others lives. However, I’m grateful to be sober today, and have the support of people like you and everyone else on here today. May we all stay sober today and find some peace, serenity, and happiness 
My story to a T. After we broke up I decided to take my life back. You gotta stand up for yourself. Love yourself. You can do it.
My story to a T. It’s how they control us. Take your life back. You are worth so much more.
Sorry you have to go through that. Glad you didn't drink. Do what you need to do for your recovery. You are worth it!
OMG YOUR FAULT THAT HE CANT KEEP HIS FLY ZIPPED??? I don’t think so!! Dump his ass! Girl if you can conquer addiction (wow!461!!) you can do ANYTHING!
This is tough shit. I’m so sorry. Let me tell you though that from this view, you seem absolutely amazing. You give off energy of a stunningly coherent human who realizes her immense worth, and I believe you know exactly what must happen now so that you can continue to honor your worth and support your sobriety. One of the best things I ever heard - third hand via a conversation a friend’d had with her therapist - is “You know who you are, now step into it.” Simply stated, but I find myself going back to those words in times of self-doubt. And when I’ve struggled to know what to do next, I think of something my sponsor tells me: Close your eyes and ask yourself/your HP, “what is my next indicated step?” Then follow it. 
:adhesive_bandage:
Congrats on your continued sobriety. It'll get you farther than the bottle will. I'm sorry to hear that you weren't with the person you thought you were. It's a shame. Stay true to yourself. I'm glad to see you're not staying out of codependency because you don't deserve someone who is going to lie, cheat, get aggressive towards you and waste their life away drinking while you're trying not to. I'm here if you want someone to vent to
Ok, what I have to say about him would get me banned for life from here. Cut him loose. He is a loser. He will only try to bring you down to his level.
You are strong, so move on. Take control of your life and your child's life.
You can do this, just like you have been for the last yr 1/2.
I wish you much success. Reach out anytime
Stay strong he needs help has intimacy issues he should be reach out to you not messaging girls online it is easy and no accountability
Thank you for sharing. It sounds like his behavior is abusive and youre aware of the cycles he puts you through. Im glad that your sobriety is giving you some clarity. You have the right to be tired. You have a right to not have empathy for this situation anymore. Hes exhausting you. I know its so much easier to say then to do it but getting out of an abusive relationship is the best thing that I have ever done. It is also one of the hardest things ive gone through. But its worth all the temporary pain. The amount of time it takes to feel all the negative parts of leaving are nothing compared to all the healing and freedom I have now without those abusive people in my life. Im so sorry you are going through these things. You deserve so many good things. You dont deserve a single negative thing. None of the abuse, none of the manipulative things they say to make you stay is true. I hope you are okay and that you stay safe. There are a lot of resources that can help you get out of the relationship if you wish to. And there are so many communities and support systems that can help you get through the hardships of seperation and healing. And you also have us, your sober gang. Im glad youre sharing part of your story with us. You have our support here
Well said girl!
To be completely honest I didn’t even finish reading your entire post only because I don’t need to and that’s because it’s pretty damn clear that that relationship needs to end. I’m sorry to be blunt like that but based off of what I did read it’s nothing but bad news for you that only ends in 1 or more negative ways for your mental health, your sobriety and the person you’ve worked hard on becoming and getting back. Listen to your heart and your gut because I’m thinking they’re both telling you the same thing 
Your ex-fiancé did what now?