569 days sober. Why does it feel like it’s harder to leave your partner who won’t put the bottle down. His toxic behavior is too much. I’ve put up with it for 1 yr and half hoping he would join the sobriety train with me, and we could have this great bond and better our relationship but all my attempts have failed. Some how I feel guilty for not being able to handle it anymore. It feels awful, it’s like the same feeling as giving up alcohol again. I know the withdrawal from being with this person isn’t going to feel good, so I’m avoiding it.
13 Likes
Prayers your way🙏
2 Likes
You can not beg, bribe, or force anyone to get sober. They need to do it for themself. And I think you know that. I feel for you, truly I do. You need to look after your OWN sobriety. That is the most important thing. We lose relationships when we get sober. Sometimes for our own safety. It like giving up the bottle, you can and will survive. I hope you find the peace you deserve.
2 Likes
463 Days and left girlfriend and friends behind. I can not make them do what they don’t want to do. It’s so hard alone but in some ways it’s been easier for me alone. 
2 Likes
Thank you
That is a tough place. I remember when I had to accept the choices other people make and make the choice not to allow their choices to negatively affect me and my direction in life.
It is hard to watch people close to us make the same poor decision we once did.unfortunately we all don't learn from "someone else's" mistakes.we had to make our own mistakes, the same way others have to do for themselves.
When we allow others to negatively affect us we enable them to continue their self destructive behavior at our expense.
Make the best choice that is for you!
3 Likes
Thank you James
Do what is right for you. Having someone join us in sobriety is a dream. They have to reach their bottom the same way you had to reach yours. Pray to your higher power for them to receive blessings you received
2 Likes
Don't feel guilty. Love makes people do stupid things. Real talk though, if he loved you he would not do it around you. If you can handle it, cool. If not, you have to think about yourself. I learned that the hard way. You can't give something to someone you don't have for yourself.
(Great job on the 1.5 years BTW!)
2 Likes
I am a stupid thing then. I am in love with the idea of being in love but afraid to let go and risk it
2 Likes
Love yourself….alone. It takes time, work, and practice but it’s amazing. Think “peace.” When I left my ex I had an epiphany that out relationship was based on alcohol…that was our co-dependent bond. Same with some “friends.” You got this.
2 Likes
Thank you Michele 
I went thru this as well. So hard to let go and let God. I have learned that I am powerless over alcohol and alcoholism. I cannot make anyone do anything. Regardless of my good intentions for them. If I try, I only generate anger and resentment in them. “We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate” BB pg62
I am in the same boat guy trying to quit so hard and my boyfriend says that he wants to but not doing anything about it we’ve been together for 10 years I am afraid that if I quit I’m going to head to let him go and that scares me but I understand it jeopardize is my own sobriety very tough choice
1 Like
Elizabeth It’s like you took my thoughts and typed them in your post. I’m going through the exact same thing with my partner. I’ve been sober for 16 months, and his drunk energy is just too much. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My sponsor says to me “You’ll know when you’re done.” It helps me. message me anytime!! 
Thank you Jill, it’s nice to feel related too. I feel so alone, no one understands what it’s like. From the outside I look stupid, the pain and guilt are eating me alive. I just had to call the police for help tonight, I’m embarrassed and humiliated that’s it gotten to this point. I’m already shameful of the things I did when I was drunk and trying to rebuild my self esteem and self worth that this man is also trying to take away from me.
1 Like
Exactly
It sounds like this may be getting physical and that’s never ok. If that’s the case you really should remove yourself from the situation. And if he wants to tear down your self esteem, then he is hindering you from healing yourself. You deserve to feel the freedom sobriety gifts to us.
1 Like