6 months sober and it’s been a roller coaster. I have recently been feeling really lonely. I’m a 31 year old man and I’m feeling the pressure of settling down. I’m not a player or anything like that but I can’t find “the one” and it’s making me think of all the great relationships and opportunities I ruined or let go when I was drinking heavily. Is it too late for me?
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Brother Mike! 6 months of sobriety is awesome!!! Please allow me to flip your point of view for a moment. Dude! You’re only 31 years old! You are so blessed to have 6 months of sobriety under your belt at this young age. You have your entire life a head of you. Get your act together over the next few years so that you can be ready for all of the blessings. You are exactly where you need to be. The past was a lesson that you needed to learn so that you don’t make those mistakes in the future. Many of us raced out to a faster start in life, only to have our families and careers wrecked by our addiction. You are fortunate to have the opportunity to bottom out while you were young and single. Whenever these counterproductive negative thoughts start to creep in, take a moment to remind yourself how blessed you are. Try the serenity prayer my friend.
Wow man thank you so much for that. I needed to hear that today. I have a lot going for me. I lost 60lbs. Learned two languages during my time sober and doubled my income. But sometimes those past memories and mistakes take center stage in my mind.
The short answer is no.
The long answer: Study the past; don't dwell on it. Playing back old relationships with the thought of "what if" is unreasonable. Given the same circumstances the choices would remain the same and to ask for the circumstances to be different is unreasonable. Focus on the variable (you) so that when similar choices occur you make the "decision" you've prepped and prepared for.
Do you wish for a partner that desires you where you are at 6 months?(congrats btw) Or a partner that desires you that has the growth of 9 months, a year, 1.5 years...etc.
Keep your nose to the grind and prepare for whatever comes along.
Good things don't happen for those that wait. They happen for those that work hard on themselves while waiting.
You got this.