I hit 6 months clean from alcohol yesterday. Im beyond proud of myself- i went clean cold turkey the morning after getting my first DUI in june. It was such an eye opening experience, and im happy sober. I felt free and happy. Being sober wasnt too hard for me when i realized how kuch my quality of life was improving in my sobriety. That was until aboyt a week ago when everything hit the fan.
I served my 2 days in jail (for said DUI in june) in late november. Its been so stressful and scary, ontop of financially struggling, I also was trying to cone down from the stress of having been in jail and house arrest.
While i was on house arrest last week- as if things couldnt get worse- my cat got extremely sick. My sweet boy, junior mint is the love of my life. He is my soul cat, i love him more than anything in the world. And of course because of thanksgiving, my case manager wasnt answering my urgent voicemails or emails begging to get approval to take my baby bot into the vet.
Luckily my girlfriend and my roomate/bestfriend were so helpful and took him into the emergency vet….where he was put on a 6 hour hold for another dog to get help first.
When my baby was finally able to be seen by a vet, he was diagnosed with kidney cancer and he was shutting down completely. The only thing i could do to help him was to put him down.
That brings me to last week- I put my baby down november 28th, and it was the worst heartbreak ive ever felt. I miss him more than anything. He came into my life when i was at my lowest, and now that im okay he is gone and i feel like im falling apart.
I got his ashes back yesterday and i just feel like im falling apart. I dont know why suddenly now that i hit the 6th month milestone i suddenly want to drink again when i was okay before. Obviously my situation isnt helping, between losing my baby to being thousands in debt just so i could have him privately cremated- im just feeling so hopeless. I know that so many people have it worse- and i dont WANT to relapse, but i just dont want to be sober either. Anyways i dont know if anyone will have read all of this. Thanks for letting me rant:(
Ok bro nothing worse then losing something we live but remember this your loved one won't wa t you to relapse don't his thier death by relapsing and end in same situation
@ariela354765 it's great you're attempting to not pickup a drink. Even if you do what is that going to solve?
As a cat dad I fully understand that feeling of losing and having to put down your fur baby. It's a tough call that had to be made.
Now, you can quit "cold turkey" and do nothing to address the deep inner issues in your life. You won't be sober you'll be dry.
To get sober, you will need to actively work on yourself from the inside out. Soberity is an inside job. Anyone can stop drinking, however not everyone will be willing to work an effective recovery program.
Now until you do so you will slowly die a miserable bug-eyed alcoholic death.
Ariela ~ I'm truly empathize with you. Whatever you do don't pick up a drink. Thank you for sharing what's going on with you that's a GREAT START! do a zoom meeting and keep talking about how you feel. I'll check back with you to see how your doing
First off, congratulations on six months! That's an amazing accomplishment. I'm so sorry about Junior Mint. I had a soul-cat too, that I still miss every day. As others have said, great job sharing. I would highly recommend getting to a meeting of your choice (zoom is available too)and sharing there also.
Loss in early sobriety is difficult. Sorry about lossing your cat. I've loss 2 of my cats in a 6 month period 10 years ago. Four years ago we took in another cat. Just Keep Coming Back
Ariela, so sorry for your loss. Sending you love and strength!!! 
Sobriety is much more than just abstaining from drinking or using drugs of any kind. True emotional sobriety is balance, and living life as the best versions of ourselves.
The AA program, 12 steps and fellowship are vital to us alcoholics & even non alcoholics, to become stronger and better in all ways.
I’m totally here if you want to talk.
I’m 6 days from my 6 month milestone and I have days that I struggle. However, I quickly say to myself. How is picking up that first drink going to make things better. I think about the days of having sleepless nights of drinking. Body withdrawal stand stints in detox. I don’t want to experience that again.
How are you feeling today? Same, better m, or worse?
Just remind yourself that that pain of losing your baby will still be there if you drink and it will be so much worse when your hungover. Play the tape forward! Don’t give in. Take it minute by minute , hour by hour , day by day !
I'm sorry not trying to hijack anyone's post but I wanted to say thank you.... i was reading on the comments (tad bit of a lurker in me lol) something about your simple to the fact... how is that first drink/hit going to make things better?!? Idk I was thinking about calling my dealer and you just made me stop and check back into reality.... what going is that first hit going do me but have me right back here doing everything I can to avoid the withdrawing . . Naw I've got 8 months in not losing myself again.. so thank you.. ... and to the OP I hope your feeling better this morning... I know that situation would be so hard for me I can only cross my fingers and prey i could be as strong and courageous as you!!! Good b luck and hit me up if you ever need someone to talk to...... I know the isolation (for me at least) is the worst part!!! You got this!!!!
I am sorry for your loss, my condolences. But now I'm going to be honest, sounds like to me. You may have had what we call a pink cloud. And then suddenly, in recovery something traumatic happens or something happens. And pops that pink cloud and it seems like the world's going to end and all we can seem to do is try to dig deeper and self-pity.
And it tempts us to hit the fucket button. I know what I did.I started going to meetings.Got me a sponsor and quit feeling sorry for myself. If you ever want to talk, you can friend me good luck. 
Struggling to get to my son in Texas. He said if I loved him I would be there. I am fighting for a nursing license 8 months to go until freedom. He doesnt understand. I have no where to live no job there. I have been trying. I get rejected. I almost threw it away today. Said f it. Nothing is going the way I want.
Hold your head high, what you did takes immense strength. I know all to well the pain and heart break of losing a pet. Ive lost count of the animals ive had to put down or died in my arms. Life will life you at any moment, it will tear the ground out from under you at any second especialy when your feeling good. You just have stand in the face of the storm and know no matter how hard the wind blow and the rain stings your face, while the thunder deafens you and the lightning blinds your eyes it will pass by you the clouds will break and the dark sky will give way to the light of the sun. Hold the line you will overcome.
Sorry your going through this. I feel so bad. It brings tears to my eyes.
About you loosing your cat.
So many good responses here and it's so good to see. I feel for you. I'm sorry about your furbaby.
But every day you don’t pick up, you’re breaking the cycle!
I’m sorry for your loss. My cat Gadget came into my life a couple years ago,right after I left my husband. Gadget is my world,so I totally understand the trauma you must be experiencing. I’m proud of your vulnerability and your ability to honestly share your struggles. I relapsed last week and just like you legal,financial and emotional issues were coming at me from every direction. Please don’t do what I did. Do what I didn’t do and that’s to reach out to your sponsor,people in recovery or Zoom meetings,even if you do a meeting every hour. You are worthy,loved and a very strong woman but most of all SOBER!
You can do this! I have faith in you! Just stay sober today. Don’t worry about tomorrow until tomorrow. One day at a time! I’m here if you need someone to talk to.
Nice keep going. 69 days today 4 me
An awesome post with so many good replies. One person said 'life will life you at any moment'...to me that sounds like the living on life's terms...which i struggle with so bad. I have to remind myself of the concept often. I had 7-8 years clean and then lost 4 of the most important people to me to death and went on a 2 1/2 yr run. During that time I fostered then adopted two kitten sisters. By the end I had lost everything except them and they are my babies. Due to choosing to do long term aftercare inpatient treatment my son has one of them and friends the other. Yesterday I just found out that my friends can't keep the one they have anymore. I can't find anyone to take her and so my only option is to surrender her back to the clinic , where her life will change drastically and she'll hate and live out the rest of her life in a cage. Normally I would say f-it and go get her. But no I cant, gave up my apartm and have nothing to offer her. I feel such overwhelming guilt and sadness. I did this, it's all my fault but now she is paying the price. My heart will shatter in a million pieces .I'd love to get a high and not feel sadness or other emotions. First major thing I'll have faced sober . If I make it throug it that is..so I complete can understand your pain and struggle!4
Life will never stop being real and at moments extremely painful. Just know that no matter what happens you are going to be okay 
you can get through this and anything else that comes your way without taking a drink.
Look what you’ve overcome already in your life!! You are a warrior