today sucked, it was so hard the biggest problem for me is I just I’m lonely lonely for four years sucks, I really don’t know what else to say
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Gerald thanks for sharing. You’re not alone! Have you tried going to in person AA/NA meetings? There are plenty of us that are going through this process and are willing to help.
You have all of us!
Getting to know ourselves again is a great way to fight loneliness. Who are you, what do you like to do, are you good at things? Reintroduced yourself. You're not just who your fighting not to be anymore. That is just a small piece of you. Tell me something interesting about yourself... come on you can do it. 
An unexpected awesome surprise for me was how good and caring the people of AA are the only thing we want from you is for you to get better
Gerald,
Blake here. I had the same issue. As it turned out I was suffering from depression and anxiety.