A beautiful day, clear skies and sunshine and a light work schedule this week makes for me wanting to sit on the deck and drink a cold IPA…but it’s never just one, is it? I don’t stop at the nice buzz, the initial calm from one brew. No, i keep chasing it. Another beer, another one, a cigarette to keep me up, any wine around? How about a shot of whiskey? 9 beers and several smokes later, and i go to bed feeling sick, exhausted, and sad. I keep myself in this cycle, though. As if deep down I think I don’t deserve health and sobriety. But why?? Why not? Could it really just be that I’m too lazy to try? Or maybe it’s Bc nothing “that bad” has happened…yet. I know what lies ahead for me. I have seen it in my mom. I know it didn’t get better. It gets worse. I know I only fight with my husband when I’m drunk and cocky and looking for an argument. I know I can’t be a good mom when I’m hungover and tired AF….
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Sometimes we sabotage ourselves
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