I'm having an incredibly depressing birthday
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Nothing like getting fĂĽcked up and turning one depressing day into weeks of misery!
You already know the plot. You already know the ending because you know the beginning. The guy dies at the end.
Get to an AA or NA meeting and listen to others who have been where you are.
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Birthdays can be incredibly triggering (mine is coming up too/August Buddy!) Taylor is right. You know the end results of this cycle. Please reach out to people who will support rather than enable you. I don’t know what resources you have in your area, but in mine we had something called family and child services where you can be admitted for a night (or more if needed) for free to be completely away from any possible use. I stayed there once, for other reasons and it is definitely a good “time out” until the urges pass.
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Just don’t pick up no matter what. Just for today.
Run the movie through, what’s it going to look like if you pick up? Nothin nice if you’re like me.
Hang in there, get to a meeting, it will get better.
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Hey Todd, I just sent you a friend request. I'll be praying for your sobriety and I would like to share a story with you. When I decided to go to rehab my brother-in-law heard and asked me if I would go to NA with him. His name was Nick. I said yes, absolutely, anytime you go, if I can make it I will gladly join you. Wednesday rolled around and when we got there, they were closed due to covid. That Sunday he was pronounced dead. I never got to attend even one meeting with him. I am ashamed to say that I have since used. I can honestly state that had he not died I almost certainly would have used more than once in the past 4 years. As a service connected disabled veteran, 100% disabled, I think about using all the time. After all I am in pain all of the time and by lunch time it is typically pretty intense. It sucks. Life seems impossible much too often. Fentanyl is in all of that now amd anytime we use, we might as well be giving up on life because it WILL, eventually kill us amd with Fentanyl, it probably won't be too long from now, if we choose to use.
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In 35 years MANY gnarly events have happened in my life! One protege’ in particular asked me how come I didn’t drink when certain events occurred! I haven’t been able to think of anything that getting drunk won’t make worse!
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I go to NA meetings. I have a recovery coach. I did not use. Surely you can relate to having these moments
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I'm sorry Josh. Thanks for sharing.
Absolutely I can. That's exactly why I said what I said.
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Happy Happiest of all Birthdays 
Even sober people have them! Take a cold shower and start the Day over!!! Go to a public place and say Hi 
to everyone you see!!!! Watch your thoughts change Draw up some tattoos hand out cards Mine was a sober birthday this year and I went to work It’s definitely different!!!! Stay Strong 
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I got nothing to add. My birthday is tomorrow.
May peace be with you.
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Hang in there and do something nice for yourself! Maybe you can find a meeting to attend
So I pulled up my boot straps and took myself on a hike yesterday that helped change my mood. I had a successful day foraging mushrooms (NOT magical ones, but wild ones for cooking) and met another sober friend for dinner.
This morning I met my recovery coach to catch up, went and got tattooed, then attended a meeting. I’m slowly getting the courage to speak but when I raise my hand I don’t get called on? They say the newcomer is the most important person in the room…
Today we have 75 days clean and 847 days sober
Dude, you are most important.
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All good. Thanks for sharing and being honest. The only downside to this app is that this type of honesty creates lots of concern and buzz if you will. I know I posted something similar a while back. Eventually deleted it. I made a friend though, that I talk to outside of the app, almost daily. Even plan to meet up when I get a new car.
I deal with a lot of pain, every moment of every day. H/fent was the only thing that ever made much difference. Not an addict in here can convince me that it wasn't effective. I honestly believe that I will one day return to it. And die. There are things far worse than dying and fortunately not everyone gets that. Most dont. I am glad that you didn't use. Sorry that your birthday sucked too.