Some nights I truly wish someone envied me. Envied me in that deep, resentful, “why the hel| does he get that” kind of envy.
Almost as though that would validate my feelings of complete inadequacy in the face of life. Just to justify my misery, somehow. That at least I had something better than someone, for once…
You will my friend! Stay sober and soon people will envy your happiness! Trust me! 
343 days today
Well there ya go! I envy that, I only have a little over 4 months!
To me, that sounds like an "empty" feeling. I hate that. You want something to fill you up - like praise, envy, love, admiration, (alcohol), etc. It's hard to sit with the empty feeling, especially at night.
Nobody envied my life when I was miserable all the time. Happiness is a choice that I make every day. You’ll get out of it what you put in. Fill your cup with positivity and sip on that sh¡t all day. Rather than searching for what’ll make you happy, decide what pain you’re willing to endure.
Well said
Somewhere there is someone that wished he had your life. You have power, water, I’m assuming a roof over your head, you’re SOBER, food to eat…etc.
It’s all about perspective. I know it sucks when you’re stuck in that mindset. I’ve been there. You’re the only one that can pull yourself out of it though. Keep talking it out like you have been. We will keep trying to help.
Envy is not a spiritual characteristic. It is a character defect. However, gratitude is a spiritual characteristic. Maybe try finding atleast 2 things to be grateful for or make a daily gratitude list on here or a hard copy at home or both. Maybe the air you breathe is something to be grateful for? Someone who needs a lung transplant would envy you. Grateful that you woke up today? The alcoholic/addict that is 6 ft. under would envy you.