I need advice. A friend through NA is struggling with getting clean. They have lied about clean time and actually have not stopped using at all. Last night they left the meeting and came back high. (They told me after I asked and it was very obvious) they're in a terrible place with it and nothing is helping them. Not OP rehab, not therapy, not meetings or having a sponsor. They continue to use any time they can, and I am so sad right now. I have showed up for this person on a daily basis and am at a point where I don't know what to say or do. Please. Can anyone help me because it's starting to affect my mental health.
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Have they gotten to the point that they want help? There's not much to do if they haven't, unfortunately. They are the only ones who can change their behavior. Trying to impose our will and our ideals on others often results in pushing them away.
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Put some distance between yourself and them. They aren't ready, plain and simple. Your own sobriety could be at risk.
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Hi Todd, I have a friend like that. He would get sober time in jail, do good for a while then go back to using then back to jail. Same cycle for 20 years. Even before I got sober I would beat myself up about not being able to help him. I had to accept that I couldn’t help him and all my trying did was put me at risk. After getting sober and adopting AA, I began to understand that relationship a little better and knew it wasn’t healthy. I saw him once before this current stent in jail and he call AA. A colt. I haven’t given up on, I wrote him a letter checking and get updates from his parents. It is extremely hard to do nothing but until he is truly ready something I say or do will help. That is my experience. Hope it helps. Stay strong and concentrate on your sobriety.
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Hi I have a friend same thing. Can only get tops 2 months clean time. She comes to zoom meetings and I know dam well she is drunk. When her text stop about meeting her in a meeting I already know why. I decided, even though it’s against how I feel to not reach out.
She has been warned about her liver by her doctor and I have told her about my friends liver transplant but, nothing get to her. She is honestly a big trigger for me so for me I am backing away.
Remember when we were in our addiction did we really want to hear “no” unfortunately it’s going to take a serious medical issue for them to get it. Work on you and let go with love with the understanding that you will be there “When and If” they get serious and are ready. Good luck my friend. It breaks our hearts on our end but there is nothing we can do. 
You don’t have the power to get anyone clean and you don’t have the power to get anyone high. Unfortunately all you can do is set boundaries to protect yourself. If you need to cut them off, cut them off.
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Well being honest.. You cant help someone who doesn't want help.
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Today message on this app talks about this and it’s true,, we can only be helpful to those who are willing to except it,,, but we must not expect it!!!
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I can't get or keep anyone clean. I have to take care of myself and allow others to do what they are going to do. I cannot sacrifice my peace or my sobriety trying to help someone else.
I had to recently stop sponsoring a woman for this very reason and it was painful...but it was starting to affect me and it was not good for either of us.
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You can’t keep someone clean.. they have gotta want it..
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Following cause I’m going through the same thing.
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It's the hardest thing, isn't it? You struggle with your own addiction and fellow sufferer, whom trust and maybe lean on so you both can get through the fight together. Then your partner falls short of the goal and you feel guilty and helpless, to the point where you might relapse.
I think it's called codependent syndrome or something.
It is a painful fact that getting clean sometimes requires the heart wrenching task of cutting people loose. It's necessary as those who aren't committed to sobriety could very well drag us back down into the sinkhole of our own depravity.
You have a choice. It's hard, and I know that firsthand, but for you I pray you make the best choice.
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I agree but it's not that black and white to me. They keep going to meetings and outpatient. They're working on the first step and relapsing a lot. They reached out asking me to hang on to their cash so they can't pick up. They're really struggling and want me there for support. I won't relapse. That's not an option.
Read the chapter working with others.