When I first arrived here in this new program and brand new area in the state of Fl in which I now live, I did not know what was going to happen. I didn't know how it was going to happen, where it was going to hapoen....if I were going to stay here 4 hours from what has been my home & prior stomping grounds, I didn't know why, or with whom anything was going to happen. I just knew that I needed for something to happen. I needed to do something differently than I've been doing for all of these years, because I wasn't going to make it any other way. The ways that I'd been doing things for soo many years to try and maintain sobriety and be able to live and start an actual life for myself, if it ever was going to happen for me again.....My ways were not working. Whatever ways I'd tried were not and have not ever worked for very long at all, if ever. And so this time, I did something different. I did whatever they told me to do. I moved myself and all of my "great ideas" eventually out of the way and I took all of their suggestions. Not all of them did I take at first without an argument , or without a little pushback or a twist of my own, especially from the beginning, but eventually, I just fully relinquished. I was tired. I was exhausted from all of the thinking and the arguing and the fighting and the doing things my own way because I'm Soo smart and know so well...my way must be better in some way shape or form. I gave up all of that illogical thinking and unnecessary, unproductive and unsatisfactory ways of my doing things and I let go and listened to how they told me to do things. I am a very, very stubborn individual and it has taken me 50 years of my life to realize that my way is not Always the best way. In fact, it was working and has been working against me all of this time. My guiding force that I followed by and continue to follow by today is this program and the way they tell me how to do it. I kept my a** in the chair and my feet on the ground and I stayed there and did what they told me to do and how they told me to do it. And that is the ONLY way that it has worked. It didn't happen overnight, wasn't a week later, or even 30 days. I have been here since April of this years and I am just now finally getting it. I've messed up, tweaked things to my liking here and there, went back and forth from old ways of thinking to newer, more sensible logic, and back again....but in those 4, almost 5 months now, I have gotten closer and closer to where I now know after all of these years of screwing up and being right...that I was always meant to be. It has taken me this long, because I've learned through this time period that the older we get, the longer we live with our screwed up selves and our ineffective ways of thinking... and the more difficult it is to change these patterns of thinking and behavior. It's not always easier for the younger ones in this regard because they're more readily adaptable to changing these patterns. However, they also lack the number of years of teachings that the school of hard knocks will inevitably give you a hard earned degree for whether you want it or not. So it's no easier or harder for anyone truly in my opinion, on the journey towards sobriety. We are all on our own paths and these paths will invariably be very different for everybody. Judging or comparing your own path to someone else's is just noise and distraction at the end of the day. My advice to anyone just starting out, keep your own a** in that chair, keep your feet planted firmly on the ground of whatever program or meeting or route that you take towards your own sobriety, and listen to what the people that have done this before you, and have done it successfully, have to say. Take their advice on what and how to do things and don't overcomplicate your own path by tweaking it or trying to add a little here and there of your own way. Because our ways did not work. If they did, we wouldn't be here today. It's very simple. Do what you're told, do the next right thing...and we all know what's right....and keep doing it the next 5 minutes, the next hour, the next 24 hours....and before you know it, you'll be further on than you may have realized that you'd ever be to a happier, healthier version of yourself. Don't overcomplicate it when it doesn't have to be....that will only slow down your own progress. Let the others before you be your guide and have faith that it is the best thing for you, because it most likely is. There's a reason they tell us all of these things from the very beginning and throughout. It's up to you whether you listen or not, and up to you to do the work to get yourself here. Let them do the rest. Blessings to all of the newcomers and everyone else in this group, you're all very helpful to me on my own journey every day. Best of Luck!!
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