A new start

Recovery
#1

I made it 76 days from February. I relapsed when I had to kick my bride out after 10 years of putting her on pedestal promising one another complete love and our hearts together. She cheated on me in treatment in June and continued after I picked her up, she relapsed that night until I found the texts the next morning wondering what the heck was happening. I locked myself in my home for 6 weeks and drank. Pretty much lost everything, wife, kids, 2 businesses, friends and almost family. I was truly lucky, one of my acquaintances became a real true friend and stayed with me 4 days and nights while I detoxed myself in my home. My 16 yo daughter had to come and feed me water and electrolytes threw a rubber straw for 8 hours because I was so dehydrated from throwing up, convulsing, seizures…. She and my friend nursed me back after many days. It took 2.5 days before they didn’t have to carry me down the stairs to bathroom so I didn’t pee the bed, convulsing and loss of weight/strength, I was physically unable to sit up in bed.

I made it through. I was either going to sober up or let nature take its course and let someone find me. My friend and my daughter saved me. They were more determined than I was.

3 surprising odd ducks of dozens of people, I thought were friends, still talk to me. And you know what, that’s all I needed. “Real” friends.

At 50 years old I have tried to stop many times at the discretion of others. I liked to drink. And yes, sure of course it caused many hardships in my life. But it was the depression/ anxiety medication of my choice.

In the last few weeks I’ve sobered up here is what I have Finally done and committed too:

  • no more drinking
    -a team of counselors (4) in all different aspects of life to help me rebuild and cope. New goals and paradigms.
    -I reached out and for the first time I accepted an AA sponsor which isn’t what I thought was going to be, he has been a positive experience.
    -real friends I can call or text anytime and they will be there, although I have not need to cry wolf but they would come.
  • ability to forgive my Bride, but decision to move on with my life knowing I could never live the same life with her after reading texts to another man/men. And that’s ok, we are remaining friends.

My wife’s mom is the bank of our house, we contracted from her… its under construction so that helps me fill time, but I maybe homeless if that what they decide to do. I keep my faith now that they will do the right thing.

I am rebuilding my businesses, and that takes time so I’ve been living and unreal debts but things are looking as they may turn around now after hard work.

I am getting stronger, I lost over 35 lbs through this, slowly gaining back little by little and getting a little stronger everyday.

I started praying again after 30 years.

I believe this time, I am going to succeed staying sober. No cravings, no urges. Yet and if that happens I have my new support system.

Make or break, I’ll make it this time.

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#2

No one comes into AA on a winning streak. My best advice, which was given to me early on, was to shut up and listen. I was super eager to tell everyone all of the horrible things that had happened to me because I thought I was unique. The fact of the matter was, there were plenty of men who had lost even more than I had, and who had way more tragic stories than me. Once I committed to sitting down for the full meeting (and not getting up 5 times for "coffee" or to "hit my vape" I started understanding that we were all the same. I stopped comparing myself to other people, and began to relate and identify with them instead. I got a sponsor, who took me through the Big Book and the steps. I am coming up on 2 years of sobriety, and every single one of the 9th step promises has come true for me. I have a life beyond my wildest dreams, I'm now sponsoring 6 men, and I truly love myself again. Once I wrote my 4th step, I realized that all of my resentments, fears, and self-loathing have had a huge part in my drinking. I still pray every day, and do everything I can to be of maximum service to God and to others. God did for me what I could not do (even though I tried MANY times) for myself. He delivered me from a hopeless state of mind and body. It's here for the taking, you simply need to pick up the set of spiritual tools that have been laid at your feet. Once I treated the suggestions like mandates, it completely changed the course of my life and I am eternally grateful to the countless men who helped me along the way. Best of luck to you, brother. I'm praying for you!! :pray:t2::muscle:t2::heart:

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#3

Thank you Andrew , does it sound like I’m telling a sob story? I didn’t mean it that way….

#4

Thanks for sharing Mike.
That's a powerful story you've got there. Glad you are on the right path! My husband died at 51 of alcoholism way too young

#5

No! It doesn’t sound like you’re telling a sob story. You’re telling Your story, your hardships, suffering and now your positivity for the future. You are very fortunate to have your friends and daughter by your side to get you through those dark days. Many people don’t have that kind of support. You came through it all and now on top! Stay strong and keep your sponsor, true friends close to you. Make your future bright and thrive in your sobriety.

#6

Sorry for your loss and thank you for

#7

Thank you

#8

It came off slightly that way, but I'm here to support you and as many other members of this amazing community as I possibly can! I was just trying to relate and identify, and share my experience in sobriety. I'm happy to hear that you are embracing this, and that you are doing well!! I did a great job burning my life to the ground, but one day at a time I am steadily improving my relationships with family, and some friends who support my sobriety. It sounds harsh, but sometimes we have to step over the bodies in recovery. I've lost countless fair weather drinking/using friends, gf's, etc and I am at peace with that. I realize now that it is all part of God's plan. When I was the one "calling all of the shots", I stayed sick. Once I truly gave my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power, it completely changed my life!! :pray:t2::heart:

#9

Awesome Mike! You seem to have a solid plan. Life on life’s terms right there.

#10

Andrew, with all due respect, I thought a lot about your comment and I completely disagree. It did not come off that way. In order to understand my goals you would have to at least know I had a problem to deal with. But thanks for putting your two cents in, it wasn’t about your experience, it was about mine, which, if I put my whole story in, it would be a sob story which I chose not to do, I was choosing to share the positive coming out of the negative. 

#11

Leave it to "one of us" to think about something over and over and over again for a week. Acceptance is the key, if you aren't actively working the 12 steps, I pity you. This is a program of action which helps us recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Praying for you, brother! :pray:t2:

#12

Who said I wasn’t working the 12 steps, sob story, and now pity. You really gotta stop. I didn’t spend a week thinking about your comment lol, and that’s not what I said.