A sense of belonging

Recovery
#1

Over the years, I have heard my story told hundreds of times. I was one of those people that never quite fit in. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. At first I drank to loosen up. Then I drank to dull the feelings of loneliness and awkwardness. Then I drank to make the pain go away. Finally, I drank in the hopes it would make me go away.

I have come to realize that what was missing from my life was a sense of belonging. A place where I felt comfortable to just be me. To a certain extent, I found that in AA. A group of people that I could relate to and who would not judge.

Unfortunately, the "normal" world can still be a rather brutal place. I still don't feel that I fit in. I still yearn to have a sense of belonging. And I still find that I am having to cast aside my authentic self to fit into the world.

I am immensely fortunate. I should not be here. My disease should have killed me many years ago. I am grateful that I get another 24 hours. But I am not feeling happy, joyous, and free today. I don't feel that I belong.

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#2

Thanks for sharing TJ. Congrats on your long term sobriety. You are obviously doing a lot of things right. I can relate to your post in many ways. I have found some sense of belonging in AA, however, I just completed year 1. You said that to a certain extent you found that in AA. At the end of your post It sounds as if you no longer feel this way.

What happened between finding it “to an extent”, and now no longer feeling it at all? Are you still active? I know a few guys who have over 20 years of sobriety who have had their ups and downs over the years with their emotional sobriety. They say that returning back to the meetings and doing 12,step work has made a huge difference in how they feel. They are sponsoring new guys as well.
If you’re not doing these things, maybe getting active again would help. You have a gift, and there are so many people out there that need to hear your message.

The other thing I often think about is this…maybe my perception of how everyone is feeling is off. In some ways I’m comparing how I feel to how everyone else is feeling. I don’t really know how those people feel. They may feel lonely too. They may be faking it and “wearing a mask” like I was. Perhaps it’s my addiction brain making sh!t up to make me feel bad and want to drink. Maybe everyone has these feelings, and I’m just super sensitive to them?

The only ways I’ve found that help me feel connected are being open, honest, and vulnerable with other like minded people, meditating, and admiring Mother Nature. The more I do these things, the better I feel. The less I do them, the more isolated I feel.

It’s year one for me, so I’m still riding the wave of recovery. My goal is to take this ODAAT and always keep it fresh. Perhaps, it’s inevitable that it fades. I believe it will, but my hope is that when it naturally does, that I can recapture it by getting back to the basics.

Again, thanks for you honest share. Your sobriety is inspiring. Keep growing and sharing ODAAT​:pray::peace_symbol:❤‍🩹

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#3

Thanks for your reply, Lee. I still find a sense of belonging in AA which I value extremely. But that sense of belonging does not extend to other aspects of my life.

AA has put me into contact with people who understand the disease and what it takes to overcome addiction. It has frees me to pursue other aspects of life. It is those aspects of life that I still struggle to find my tribe.

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#4

I get what you are saying. I find comfort in my recovery circle, but have a lot more difficulty in most other areas of life.

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#5

I think most of us have felt we didn’t belong. I know I did. I needed to find my “tribe” out in the real world. It took some searching but when I let go of my fear of rejection, fear of looking a fool, and was honest about my true self… they found me. I worked at a renaissance fair for 10 years, was part of a medieval reenactment club for over 5, played Dungeons & Dragons for a long time. All the nerdy things that I always just found interesting. My tribe found me when I got engaged. When it came to making amends… none of those people were on my list. They all accepted me for who I was, the true me.

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#6

Ah yes, the fear of rejection. Still working on that one. 🤦