Abuse and control

Day 48. I'm struggling with my life being completely overwhelming in the sense that I'm still being punished for a one-time mistake that happened 8 months ago that took my children out of my custody. I'm struggling with the fact that my ex-husband, who was abusive, is still controlling and abusing me - psychologically, emotionally, and financially. I'm doing well in my recovery, but I keep getting hit in the face with everything else going on. I never experienced the pink cloud. Do I just keep turning the other cheek?

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Hi Megan, I have learned that people in those situations want you to react negatively. By not reacting you are not giving them what the want. I have focused on myself and doing the things that are good for my life, everything else will follow. I was miserable the first 8months of sobriety because I was doing it for everyone else. The things that were keeping my focus started to disappear. My pink cloud didn’t come until month 15. All you can do right now is learn how to live without addiction. One step at a time.

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Stay strong!!! You definitely got this!:muscle:t4::pray::heart:

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I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for your words and encouragement. I feel like a small weight has been lifted off my chest. :pray:t2:

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I went through some similar issues and I just kept praying, sharing with my network, spoke with my therapist and had to keep in the front of my head that my abusive ex is a sick individual and I had to look at him that way. Not feeling sorry for myself and was reminded God doesn't give me more than I can handle. I hated every slogan that came my way, however they all worked, with a bunch of other tools. Keep the focus on you, your ex is hoping you fail so there is more for him to say. Keep him silent by doing the next right thing. It gets better.

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Hi Megan. Just think of the mess you're life would be if you were still drinking? Focus on your kids. They are our biggest motivators to be our best. Distance yourself from hurtful people. Find fellowship, or people that will listen. Stopping drinking was easy for me. Getting emotionally sober took time. Seek a power greater than yourself. Being from Colorado, Sunrise at Red Rocks is a great place to start. Put one foot in front of the other. Time takes time.

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There's a quote from Noah Levine that I like. "Hurt people hurt people." When you realize that you can step away from the people hurting you and see it for what it is and not take on the burden of owning their pain. Don't let someone else's negativity own you or you will carry it. Let it go. You are here. You are better. You are fixing your life.

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I sent you a friend request, just hit me up if you would like to talk more about this.

Hi Megan. From my experience what I’ve seen is, from working the program of recovery everything else will work itself out.
If we don’t work our recovery, we don’t get the opportunity to work on getting our children. If we don’t work on our recovery we may cause more harm to them than do them good.
My suggestion would be instead of waiting for a pink cloud, dust yourself off, put on a pink parachute, and find a pink cloud. We don’t know how long they will last so we want a soft landing so we can dust ourselves off and find another.
The priority right now is you. You need to come first. If our own house is in order the rest will fall into place.
Sending positive vibes your way. :tada:

I think you should celebrate day 48, and your recovery. Let that be your focus just for today.

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I am humbled by how touched I am by your struggle and want you to know that you are not alone and your true self is always there acting in your own best interests. Let others support you for now and remind yourself nobody can touch the real you. May your Higher Power be with you now and always. Best love, Your loving fellow Trudger Tony C

I hope all is well!! Keep on truckin'!

Hi Megan, as addict we all want immediate gratification. "I have been good, so you have to forgive me" types of things. We have to remember that everyone has a right to feel the way they do. Whether we agree or not. You also have the right to feel the way you do. Believe it or not, things take time, but they do get better. Things do not change over night, you probably did not get where you are overnight. My "pink cloud" was about a year in. It is short-lived, but the things you gain in recovery are for a lifetime. One day at a time. Just keep going and keep your side of the road clean, and you will get there. Best wishes.