Accepting the facts

Recovery
#1

Let's talk about loneliness…
I've been exploring this idea for the past few days after a reading at a meeting I went to. How we as alcoholics have a tendency to justify our contentment of being alone. Such as "I'm just different from the others, I'm a loner, I don't mind being alone in social situations, I'm just so unique that no one understands me." It also went on to talk about sitting on a barstool alone. Now I can't say that I was always alone in my drinking and drugging days, if anything I despised it. BUT just as of the last few years after I relapsed in 2019 I started to be that loner. And it was pretty much every other day this summer that I would go down to one of the 4 bars on my road (yes all within a minute of my house) and sit alone. I didn't want company well not until I figured out what kind of buzz I was going for or if there was trouble to be had then I might engage in socializing. But many nights I sat and watched the "normies" socialize and secretly hated everything they were saying and doing. Can you relate?

Sidenote: I went to a guided meditation last night and set my "intention" on the question of, why do I accept loneliness so much in my life? It was then revealed to me that even when I was younger and I was always tripping on some kind of drug or drinking to blackout I was alone. Even when I was at the party or with a group I was alone, in my head! Anyways… I was wondering if anyone here has explored this idea. Thanks for your time. Much love ya'll :heart:

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#2

Thanks for sharing! For as far back as I can remember, I always felt “disconnected”. It started within my family. I always felt like I didn’t fit in. I searched for that feeling of being connected thru sports or other outside activities. Whether it’s being part of a team, or being in a fraternity, or being involved in other groups…I’ve always had issues feeling comfortable. The solution to these uncomfortable feelings became my addictions. Unfortunately, this solution stopped working years ago. Today I have found this connection in recovery. We have a common problem and a common solution. Recovery has led me to find a connection with a higher power. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’ve found what I’ve been looking for. So much more to say, but I’ve got to run. Thanks for the topic! Have a sober day

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#3

Thank you for sharing. We are no longer alone.

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#4

I’m not gonna lie, right now I don’t think I like being alone but I know in order to ever truly content in my mind I have to learn to stand up alone and by myself. For too long I had to have other people around me to quiet all the noise in my head but the noise just kept getting louder until peace of mind was impossible. For the first time in my life there are at least pockets of quiet and I’m learning live above the rest. Great topic

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#5

Absolutely, grateful for community :heart:

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#6

Wow thanks for that feedback I never really knew this was a common thing. It was well expressed and so similar to my situation. Thanks to Cece for posting the question. I still spend a lot if time alone, and even got a job traveling and always tell myself I’m just a loner. I’m good in short bursts I just don’t know how people can chat and sustain conversations for so long. Couldn’t even do that when drinking but at least I felt I was doing something. Great thoughts on this for me today.

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#9

Thanks for the share and idea for todays meditation. I still like my alone time while walking and listening to music. I am comfortable finally in my skin that I don’t need to medicate to feel ok.

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#10

I've always felt lonely. In a room full of my friends, with most of the girlfriends I've had, etc. I pretty much embraced it and figured I'd be that way forever. I hike/camp/surf/travel alot, alone and I don't mind it. It's good to have me time and not have to share the radio (hahaha). But I'm feeling more "normal" (for me) these days and I don't feel the need to isolate anymore. It really helps me to put myself out there to help others that are struggling.

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#11

I've become such an all around better person during my sobriety, I find the hardest part about being alone is having nobody to share my new happiness with, which makes it hard to keep it up. Many people I loved abandoned me when my addiction came to light, and im scared ill never have anything like that again.

#12

I spent the first 11 months of my sobriety alone . I figured if I got myself into my addiction alone , I could also get myself out alone. I have that mentality that you mentioned often that “ no one understands me . I’m a loner “. But there is a whole world of people who understand me , I’ve just been looking in the wrong places. My whole life I’ve been a lone wolf , and although it works for me , I’m very lonely and unhappy. I need to learn to be more open to other people.

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#13

Yes. I feel you girl. I can handle small doses with very minimum people. Someone told me once that they observed that I have a hard time connecting with people and I was blown away. This woman also has a million female friends which most she doesn't like much and tolerates from what I hear. I have learned that I may not have many friends but my connection goes deep and I guess I don't mess around with surface level mingling as much. I'm ok with that. I did think as more time goes by I will build more meaningful relationships with my sober sisters. Good luck Natalie and

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#14

AND reach out anytime! :blush:

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#15

I lost all my good friends. I’m a really shy person and alcohol helped me open up to people. Then I took it too far and lost friends because of my drinking. I have a really hard time meeting people being sober but I refuse to ever drink again.