I’ve been trying to restore my relationship with my parents
It’s been painstakingly difficult due to my drinking and I hate myself everyday for it.
I had this same problem, I could not resolve it at any point until I totally stopped drinking. Deal with the drinking first and then focus on rebuilding the relationship. It’s a process with lots of steps but it will be worth it in the long run.
Yeah Sean’s got it right. Deal with the drinking and everything else will fall into place. Go to a meeting.
100% agree. Go to a meeting. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. Encourage your family to attend Al-Anon. The relationships didn't break overnight, they're not going to heal overnight. It all takes time.