One of the things I have learned so far in sobriety is to speak from experience. I’m finding myself very agitated by people in the program expressing thoughts/opinions as absolutes. I work hard at presenting opinions as opinions, and only speak in certainty when there’s solid evidence to back it. I really think what I’m seeing is that sober time (days, months, years) is not an absolute or direct indicator of a healthy individual. I’ll speak for myself by saying that if I were not constantly attempting to live by the steps and traditions I would not consider myself a healthy individual to be around. I understand that we are not saints and none of us have been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence, but it does something inside of me when I see potentially harmful opinions presented as fact in the rooms and in the fellowship. I feel this might be one of the many things I have 0 power over, and that’s a hard thing to surrender to. I found it surprisingly easy to surrender to the fact that I’m an alcoholic. But surrendering to the fact that people will hurt people (intentionally or unintentionally) even in the rooms I have found to be my safe haven, is a very hard concept to grasp.
I definitely hear what you’re saying. One thing I have learned to do, over time, is to realize that people are human, and fallible. Sometimes even things said with the best of intent can still be harmful, based on the recipient’s current mindset. So I’ve learned to take things with a grain of salt.
One of the amazing things is, no one can tell your story better than you.
So, like, you're agitated because people are peopling? Because they aren't being like you?
Read page 67 of the Big Book.
Spot on, and that’s not what I want to be like, I was angry last night and this post was not the way to handle it, I apologize, I can’t figure out how to take the post down.
I’ve found that being sober and being emotionally sober are two very different things. Stating absolutes in a 12-step program that literally calls even its foundational steps “suggestions” is a key marker for a lack of emotional sobriety for me. I’ve also found it very disheartening to interact with about 50% of the people in those rooms. But I go for me, ignore them, and focus on my own emotional sobriety, which includes dealing with difficult people and not letting them affect my sobriety in negative ways. Stay strong. Be well.
I also wouldn’t take it down. You were being honest about how you felt. That’s critical to managing your recovery. Feel all the feels. When you’re in the wrong, make amends. Your experiences and emotions are ALL valid.
No it's a good topic. Don't take it down. It's important to talk about this stuff. We all feel this way sometimes, or often even. I totally get it. I feel this way too, and I have to ask myself the same question I ask you and it immediately grounds me.