All I want to do is drink…

Recovery
#1

Today is day 11 of being sober and all I want to do is drink.

I go to school for cybersecurity and I have so much student loan debt that a part of me wants to give up. Numb the pain and fade into a vast sea of voodoo ranger lol.

I wanted to get an education so I could get a better paying job so I can move out of the ghetto, but it seems I’ve fallen for every financial trap. I looked up my net worth and I’m worth negative money :rofl:

I’m laughing right now but that only to stop myself from crying. I hate my life. Being sober I’ve realized how many poor financial choices I’ve made. I have no idea how to dig myself out.

I can’t ask anyone for help. I’m seriously considering drinking and just being a ghetto pos.

Lack of money is 99% of my problems. I can barely take care of my family.

I was thinking about possibly creating an OF but I’m too plush for that. Same reason I shouldn’t do exotic dancing. I’m even considered selling my body at this point lol. Maybe I need to lose weight first…

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#2

Day 11 for me as well, things are not good in my world… But if I’m honest with myself which is not fun or easy, I know deep inside things won’t be better with booze if any kind… Stay the course, I hear this in my head and today that’s what I’m focusing on… you can do it too.

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#3

First off, Thank you for the honesty in your post. It takes a lot of guts to be as raw and open as you were. I know it seems like there is no end in sight, but if you crack that can of Voodoo… then what? Realistically play the tape all the way to the end. You drink, become a “getto pos”, sell yourself, default on all your loans, end up in jail or worse… all the financial woes will follow you and more. You are so early in sobriety that the world feels like it is crushing you…we all know this feeling because we have been there. But running from life only makes you more exhausted than you already are. I spent 15 years running from life… when it catches up it will bring an as$ whoopin with it, trust me. Right now just focus on you. In time you can worry about the other stuff. I have faith in you. One day, one minute even on second at a time.

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#4

Thank you for your honest share!

I was in and still am in so much debt because of student loans, but so are millions of other people. We are not alone in this. I know that may not help, but everyone else is in the same boat treading water with us, just keep that in mind.

BUT drinking and using 100% contributed to my financial stress and poor decision making. I use this app, sober time, that shows me how much money I’ve saved since being clean and sober. I’ve saved close to 4K by being sober for a year!!!!!

Download “Sober Time” and I can promise you, you won’t regret seeing the POSITIVE financial choice you are making daily :money_with_wings:

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#5

Booze will numb the pain for little while but the problem is still there. I really understand what you are going through please remember you are NOT a pos. You are a valuable person especially to your family. You have a friend here.

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#6

You have enough reasons not to drink. Just take inventory of them, realize that drinking will make bad situations worse, and stay sober. Also, get your a$$ to a meeting.

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#8

Hey there.

I totally understand feeling despondent. Obstacles stack up, getting on track seems impossible.

There are avenues for repairing your financial life and addressing your student debt, especially if you are currently enrolled somewhere.

Money problem, with their attendant stress and despair can be cyclically crippling. Please don't compound that by going down into avenues that will probably make you even more unhappy.

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#9

Hi Jasmine, nice to meet you. I wanted to share some thoughts, if that’s alright.

I drank for twelve years. Pretty much every day. I quit almost ten months ago. Here’s where I was at day 11:

I had no money. I owed over $50,000 in debt. I was behind and defaulted on three credit cards, I was skipping months on my auto loan, I was barely making my rent. When I got out of the ER I owed the hospital over $6,200 just to cover my out of pocket max from detox.

I was in a bad spot. However, I dug my heels in and said “no” to myself, once and for all. I moved back home because I obviously couldn’t handle being sober alone, and needed help. In the subsequent months I paid off bill after bill. I paid down my car, and eventually sold it to pay off my student loans once and for all. I paid off all the credit cards, personal loans, and the medical debt. I even was sued by capital one, and I had to settle that account too. Now, ten months after feeing absolutely hopeless, I have some money in the bank and am trying to save up enough to get my own place. Debt, and money, are not the end of the road. You can always pay it off, settle it, and win in the end.

Now, I am still paying for twelve years of severe alcohol abuse. I’m alone. I’m lonely. I don’t have any friends. But, one area I am winning is finally having my financial life on track. If you’re serious about figuring out your debt, you can get on a budget and absolutely crush it. No one is “too broke” for success.

Let me know if I can help in any way. Even just talking through the financial problems helps me. You can do this, anyone can do this!

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#11

I have 7 years sober and I will tell you in tell you change your people and places and things you used to be around you will fail last time I had 5 years sober and I thought I could stop by and see my addiction friends well it took a couple of weeks but I got in a fight with my wife and I went by a buddy’s and wam I got drunk and next day I was looking for pills

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#12

Go to meetings.make friends.and get out of your self.like to day. A s a p.that life is no joke.:dromedary_camel:

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#13

Even though I was feeling extremely negative I managed to stay the course. I took the day off of work and put myself in a “time out”. Your reply helped me push through. Today is better.

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#14

Hey. Thanks for being honest with us. I know it is hard to manage, and share.

Don't be ashamed of trying to make a better life for your family. You can do that and live elsewhere that's not the ghetto, ya know.

Whatever educational/financial choice you make- drinking will only make it worse. Please don't drink. Keep reaching out like you have.

#15

Thanks Jasmine for sharing your truth today, it has kept me sober another day :pray::+1:

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#16

Thank you for your advice. To think things all the way through. My feelings were so overwhelming that day and a lot of me truly considered giving up. I feel like my a** is already getting whipped so I don’t want to make it worse.

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#17

That was a wise choice. Great job!

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#18

I downloaded Sober Time! I think I’d see the “savings” in a few months. Currently I have more bills than money 🥹

#19

Thank you for your kind words. They brought tears to my eyes.

#20

I’m glad I could help some how :blush:

#21

Haha I know! I need to go to a meeting but I don’t have the courage to do it in person.

#22

Yeah when I think about it the other “options” I gave myself weren’t happy ones. I was speaking out of desperation and sadness.