All the heaviness of sober grief

Recovery
#1

I’m holding onto my sobriety so hard today. It’s been a rough 9 months. In July I lost a promising relationship with a really great guy. My dad passed away in December. And my sister in law lost her battle with ovarian cancer, two weeks ago, at the age of 42. So much grief. I’m leaning into the fact that in order to build resilience you have to go through hard stuff. You can’t stay wrapped in bubble wrap.

I’m thankful for my sobriety and for the moments in my life that are filled with joy. But, I’m emotionally exhausted. I’m ready for the lightness of spring and spending more time outside and near the water. Definitely one day at a time.

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#4

Thank you for your post. It’s a good reminder of how important it is that we learn to stay sober in tough times. I’m sorry you are going thru so much grief. I relapsed after many years of sobriety because I was not able to emotionally handle life. As I returned back to my recovery program, this was one of my main goals…to learn how to live life on life’s terms. I marvel at the old timers who have managed to stay sober thru the ups and downs of life. Of course a drink will never make any situation better, but that doesn’t mean we don’t desire to “escape” the feelings. You are doing a great job of feeling, processing, and connecting. Keep living in the solution one day at a time. I’m sure the universe has some amazing and joyful times up the road for you

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#5

Life has its ups and downs, and it’s hard dealing with it for me. It’s harder dealing with these situations when I sober up because then the guilt I’m tripping over just makes me want to drink again and again and again instead of facing these hard situation as they arrive!!! You are absolutely right you cannot stay in bubble wrap and isolate yourself I know for me, isolation leads back to my addictions! Thank you for sharing this. My mom also passed away. I hope she didn’t know I started drinking. I had three years prior and she was so proud of me. I hope that she can see me now.!!!

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#6

Write about it. Journaling has a very strong neutralizing effect on our grief. Stay strong! You got this!

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#7

The only way out, is through.
I have had similar experiences-multiple traumatic losses in the span of 3 -4months. It’s life changing; it can be changing for the better or for the worse, you’re at the wheel. I chose to let those losses and that immense grief change me for the “worse.” I chose to run from the uncomfortable feelings, the same or similar feelings you are so bravely feeling. I chose to run by picking up a substance I had never even known someone to have used. Fast forward two years. Now a daily user I am clawing and fighting my way back to the light and a purposeful life. I lost two years of a sober life in exchange for a life in which I was managing a false sense of reality. Lying to myself that it was better this way - that the pain I am feeling In active addiction doesn’t compare to the pain I’d feel being sober and facing uncomfortable, sad emotions. I stupidly thought that it would be easier but now not only do I have to face what I am running from but the aftermath of two years of acting and living in active addiction. It’s a complex mess to clean up.
Needless to say, You are an inspiration to me-facing what I couldn’t with grace and honesty in early sobriety gives me hope. Thank you.

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#8

Sounds like you're practicing acceptance and that's good.
Sorry for all these sorrowful events in your life. That's just what they are. Life.
Life doesn't stop happening just because we put the cap on the bottle. But we get better at handling life one day at a time.

Not having your boyfriend right now may be the best thing that has happened to you. Relationships are not really recommended in early sobriety because we don't really have our heads on as straight as we think that we do.

I know this to be a fact because I've been there. Two or three years from now you'll be seeing through a whole different set of glasses than you are now.

Congratulations on your 9 months. I hope you're going to meetings and have a solution in place.

Don't ever believe the big lie that says this time everything will be okay because it never is. Alcohol feeds us a big lie that tells us to drink. I relapsed after almost 9 years and it cost me 3 years of total oblivion.

It didn't get better!
And don't think that it will get better for you either because it won't.

This too shall pass!

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#9

I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing w so much, Krysty. 9 months is amazing. I hope you keep it going - making it a year while going through all of this personal turmoil will be quite an achievement. I’m sending good vibes your way💪

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#10

Thank you! Yeah - I mean I’m so grateful I’m sober through all of this. I’m present for myself and my kids and my family and it makes such a difference.

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#11

Hang in there! Sorry about your mom. I’m thinking that bad things happen in threes so I’m ready for all the good to enter. And I do feel so much stronger and more capable of dealing with life now that I’m sober :purple_heart:

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#12

I journal every day, getting all that stuff out of my head is so good. I also use a process called Sketchbooking that I developed and leaned on hard when I was going through my divorce and early sobriety.

#13

Aww - thank you. So much power in your words and yes, it’s hard, but I do think it becomes harder if you run from it. Please reach out if you need some support or need to talk :purple_heart:

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#14

Hey - thanks. I’m actually 4 1/2 years sober. All this stuff has happened in 9 months. I am thankful I had a pretty solid foundation to my sobriety before this all hit. And I am just putting one foot in front of the other :purple_heart:

#15

Take it from someone who has been there multiple times. My name is Tom. I’m a NYC fireman and considered a 9/11 survivor. I’ve been an addict for a long time and kept it a secret managing to have a very full career until I couldn’t anymore and wound up in rehab and now living AA. That’s just the preface of what I mean to say. I’ve lost so many friends and family member over the years to cancers, addictions, suicides, you name it I’ve been through is more than a couple of times. You would think I handled it better with alcohol and opiates in me to dull the pain. Not true. That just postpones all the heart brake, depression and anxiety. I wound up in a world of impending doom never seeing even an ounce of light and unable to formulate any future at all for myself. The Just waited for death. I’m 46 now and 9 months in sobriety. For sure I can tell you I handle the trials and tribulations a million times better in sobriety. I don’t even feel like going back sometimes. Keep in mind it’s not just being sober, it’s living sober that changes everything. When I experience a loss now I know that means I need to be at a meeting. In the front row talking about it and listening to the suggestions of others. The sun is beautiful and I’m excited to see what the future holds…. Today is gonna be a good day. There will be rough days ahead but I’ll take ‘em as they come. Today is a good day

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#16

Congratulations! It sounds like you're doing the right thing.

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#17

I am so sorry for your very rough 9 months. Hold on tight to your sobriety and reach out to friends,family. Keep remembering that a drink will do NOTHING to improve the situation since you'll feel terrible about drinking after the fact in addition to everything else! We are with you!

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#18

Sorry to hear. That is traumatic and you should continue to focus on your mental health as best you can. You will find an new partner if that is what you want. Just takes time.

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#19

Thank you for sharing all do this. And, yup, I do compare it to grief I went through when I was drinking, and while it’s hard to go through sober I’m present and working through everything instead of numbing :purple_heart:

#20

Thank you!! My first reaction to the break up was that I needed a drink, which surprised me because I was four years sober. It made me realize that when I’m fragile my sobriety is fragile too. And that’s when I really need to pay attention to it :purple_heart:

#21

Thank you! Yeah, that’s been the trickier part to move through, there was so much that was right. Just taking things one day at a time for sure.