I kept myself occupied and busy the last few days. The first day or two after I use and wanna quit are somehow the easier days because I feel like bleh and just wanna rest.
Then day 3/4 come around and my mental clarity starts to come back and the rationalization comes back in to using. Or the “I could just do it, whatever, I’ll deal with this again and it’ll suck but I’ll feel good for 5 minutes and then like bleh for the rest of the day/night until I use again”.
But I didn’t repeat it. Even after 5 days when the person reached out to me, I sought support. I’m almost a week out since my last use, and almost 19 days alcohol free! Extremely proud.
School started today, and staying just with college and kids and family definitely is helping. I realized finally the cycle doesn’t stop, I get sober for a few days if I’m lucky, I use again once or twice in a row, hate every minute after once the high wears off, and repeat. Or suffer for a few days sober and then relapse.
Not this time, but one day at a time.