Deciding a drink won’t make a difference but then having to start over 
I can go weeks and then just feel like “eh why not?” Dumb is what it is
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The mental obsession after we stop drinking for a few days/weeks/months can be challenging. For me I got real sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. This time I had to ask myself, I said “self, what can you do this time that’s different then the other times you tried to stop?” Ask for help! That’s what I did. And I took suggestions from medical professionals as well as those in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I’m leaning heavily on a spiritual journey.
I’ll pray for you Sara! Keep trying… ask questions… take suggestions.
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When you say “eh, why not?” Your addict brain is manipulating you. Telling you it’s no big deal. It’ll be different this time. You can handle it. You’ll stay in control. That’s powerlessness. The inability to resist the first drink.
I’m with Kevin. I found recovery in 12 step meetings. I had quit before, but when I wasn’t drinking I was just obsessing over it. Praising myself for doing such a good job staying dry for a week or a month. Then “rewarding” myself with blackouts, hangovers, shame, guilt, arrests, firings, CPS, etc.
If anything I wrote seems familiar, it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a future in recovery. ❤️🩹
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Struggling
Hang on I’m praying for you
I’m with Kevin and Craig. My experience is that following a true program of recovery (that addresses the mental, physical, and spiritual aspects of alcoholism), is your best defense against relapse. It makes sense that someone who wakes up in the morning and is mindful of staying sober that day, is going to have a much better chance than a person who doesn’t. Quitting is easy. We have all done that many times. It’s staying quit that is hard. Personally, I enjoy living this type of life. It’s very rewarding. That being said, I’m still resistant to following my program sometimes. It’s just in our nature to rebel
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We Def have great forgetters of how bad it makes is feel. It's infamous for being the disease that tells is we do not have a disease or a problem. Lessons learned. Don't beat yourself up. You can start again.