Feeling g super guilty after this slip up. The anxiety is kicking in and even more guilt that I am a horrible mother. I need to be stronger and I have no idea how to do that.
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Day one too ! We can do it 
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Never give up. It’s experience.
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Do not say you're a bad mother if you are loving and caring for your children. We as moms make mistakes, the difference is what you do with the mistake. Turn it around, journal these feelings, and when you want to drink again pull out your journal and read how not good you feel right now as a reminder that you don't want that life. You got this!
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Surrender
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Hi Alana. A couple of things. Life is a series of moments and all moments pass. Lean on your supports. Do you have any?
One thing that helped me is that I decided that as long as it does not harm me, or anyone else, if I want to do something, I just do it. I have distracted myself with tattoo markers and fake tattoos purchased from Temu and Amazon.
Re-training the brain is harder. Let go of guilt. It is not your friend. Focus on the positive. What are you most proud of?
It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small. Positive thoughts will help.
What does the air smell like? Do you hear crickets, frogs, outside. See if you can make your child giggle. Be silly. Laughter…
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You got this
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Feelings pass. Just don’t act on them, don’t hold on to them - let them slide away
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You are right. I am very loving and caring to my child. Except when I slip up. I really do feel bad about slipping up. I do need to journal more. And reflect on it and remember how it made me felt.
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Have you tried attending A.A.?
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I have attended AA in the past and it really is not something that clicked with me.
That’s cool yeah it’s not for everyone. But if what you’re doing isn’t working then you should probably try something different.
Or try something again?
Boom! Easier said than done but that’s the key for sure.
Here in New Brunswick Canada, we have “outs” or “outpatient” psychological / mental health appointments. These are walk in / phone in day-of appointments. Typically these are with social workers, and our Medicare covers it. It leads to a referral to psychologists, therapists (NOS), and physician alike.
I’m not sure where you are, but there coulllldddddd be something similar.
If not, constant contact with fellow patients / those in recovery has helped me. A touch base in reality helps, ESPECIALLY if you’re panicking and feel like you can’t go see anyone, move, or think. Zoom or Teams calls with sobriety networks online are amazing for that. They are 24/7; search it up. Who would know better how to reduce a withdrawal panic attack, than one who has had experience(s) with them? Just Google - there’s loads right now!
Alana, I was a chronic relapser, the worst husband, friend, brother, business partner and altogether just rotten.
I finally got super serious about MY SOBRIETY! Went to meetings daily and nightly, got a sponsor, did the 12 steps multiple times and stayed in service work constantly. Best moves I ever made! 15 years later, my relationship with myself and others is better than ever.
Now you know exactly what to do.
I’m here if you want to talk
It is easier said than done but try to give yourself some grace. Mothers are allowed to make mistakes and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Keep going.
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It’s never easy on day one but it’s a start. Don’t sell yourself short as day two is just around the corner.
We all have slip up’s but it’s learning from them & not dwelling on what’s already happened is how we get through it. It’s so easy to feel awful & guilty it’s much harder to look in the mirror & say something positive about yourself.
Do it anyways, you’re a good Mother, you’re a great Friend, you’re a kind Person, you are Important, you are Enough!!
We all have all been through day one & it is a hard day but you have support here & we all know how you’re feeling!!
Keep your head held high & know you’re loved & that you’re never in this alone!!
Sending You Positivity & Love!
Just checking in with you! Hope you're ok!