Today is the 3rd anniversary of my mothers death.. which lead to my relapse in the first place.. its my first attempt at getting through the day sober.. I just havent been able to not pick up on this day, I have a lot of unhealed trauma surrounding my mom, and with 40 days of sobriety I'm a little bit nervous about making it through today! Today I am grateful to have woken up sober and am able to acknowledge my triggers!
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Casey, you don’t have to drink or use. It’ll actually make things worse.
Go to some meetings. Take it one hour at a time. Stay present, don’t dwell in the past. Break the cycle. You deserve to be free and happy.
I’m here if you want to talk.
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I feel your pain Casey! On heavy trigger days, I find myself going to one, maybe even two meetings that day, just to get through that Hot Zone..
Hang tough!
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I had to surf some pretty extreme emotions through these death anniversary days. I have been able to do it sober but needed my support people. Don't isolate and dwell on it. I hope you stayed strong today
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Congrats on 40 days don't use or drink no matter what it won't make anything better maybe get some professional help to heal through your trauma
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I’m so sorry for you loss and your grieving, I know the pain you’re going through, my father passed 3 years ago in December, all that is important is your sobriety at this time, sobriety is your healing process no matter how painful. It’s a painful loss but moving forward sober is the only way forward, may God help you through this time. Amen 
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Every obstacle we defeat gives us a little more strength and confidence that we can recover. Gather strength from having made it 40 days
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that this year was easier than the last! These are the days we need our sobriety the most!
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Two bad anniversaries just passed for me including having lost my brother on Christmas Day five years ago. We had our issues too, but no matter how strained the relationship was at times, I think about what he would want for me, and it’s not drinking. Go to meetings if that’s your thing, pray if that’s your thing, break it down to hour by hour, even minute by minute if you have to. Stay strong, 40 days is huge.
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My mom's birthday is also the anniversary of her suicide. I promise you that it gets easier if u can make it through today.
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I went through my mom's death at 3 1/2 years sober. Luckily, I was literally walking to a meeting when I got the news - better believe I took a burning desire (and cried silently through the whole meeting). I made well over fifty meetings that month and have described it as feeling like an ant on a yoyo even months later.
Ironically, for me it wasn't a big crisis like that which took me out (and my mom never saw me relapse) but a slow escalating trigger actually touching on trauma related to my mom's bipolar disorder (even though we were close by the time she passed) over several months that I didn't even recognize, rather like a frog in a slowly boiling pot of water. I can't afford to leave any stones unturned as a result of that.
All of this is to say, I suppose, that I know at least a bit of what that's like and I feel your pain. You're doing the right thing by talking about it. The more directly you deal with the emotions in sobriety and use the program, the easier it gets. Lean on your sober network even more than you think you need to and you'll be OK.
Be well and do good. 
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Thank you for sharing this Casey. Remember that alcohol doesn't actually help with what's inside, but usually magnifies our emotions. I have a similar story, and I hope you feel better inside and find the peace that you seek soon.
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I too lost my mom if you ever need anything please Message me hun prayers 
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Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement, as I bring today to a close I managed to not pick up. I stayed busy, yet in the moment surrounded by my support system.. I'm grateful for another 24hrs!! Good night y'all
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