Well I went another week without killing my self unfortunately ;-(
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I am sorry you are suffering, Jeff. I hope you reach out to professionals and others who can help you find a reason to live.
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I totally understand the feeling.  I’ve struggled with a lot of relentless health issues over the last decade that have brought me to some dark places and the brink of giving up a couple times. I live a pretty clean and healthy lifestyle, and it feels so unfair and overwhelming. Physical pain is a constant issue for me, and it makes me downright f’en angry. In these moments I try to work really hard on self-care, knowing when to politely say no, keeping it simple, and trying to do the best I can with what I have right now. Getting outside and enjoying the simple joys of connecting with nature is a necessary peace of my mental and emotional health. Sometimes attaining that is frustrating, because my body simply can’t do the things I want to do. During these moments, if I can let go of my unmet expectations, and find a modified way of getting a dose of what I need, I find a moment of happiness and serenity… sitting in my special comfy chair and watching the hummingbirds come and go at the feeder, or taking a very small stroll around the backyard, looking for beauty, and enjoying taking photos. 
Hang in there. I truly Hope you find some peace soon.
Please don’t think like that and please get the right help ASAP
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Sending prayers your way Jeff 
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Prayers 
just breathe! Meditate, walk, watch a funny movie, read a book, book a vacation. You are worth the life we are all living in! I know it can get depressing but if you're sober, you are one step closer! Odaat.
In reality, you've gone every week without killing yourself.... you've made it this far, so you've proven 1) that you can, and 2) that you want to.
7 years and 2 months ago, I had a detailed plan and date set to end my life. Fortunately, the night before, I call a help line. They stayed on the phone with me a couple of hours, sent the police to my house who stayed another hour or two and then took me to an emergency mental health facility.
That one call put in motion the process that finally got me on the right medication (not at first, but eventually) that allowed me to be myself again.
Since then I started school, earned a bachelor's in psychology and have now made it halfway to a master's degree.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm telling you my story so that you'll know it can be done. Depression is a sickness and there is real treatment for it.
It does, however, require several months clean and sober to allow for a proper diagnosis, as many withdrawal symptoms can mimick depression