Withdrawals… 
Why can’t I learn to stop doing this to myself. 
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I know it's brutal. Don't give up.
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It’s the story of addiction, we will continue the keeping walking in to the fire and getting burned. Just remember to focus on 1 day at a time.
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Cuz our brains are telling us we can do it one more time..at least for me that's y
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It’s how this monster is!! We get it! Would you maybe consider inpatient for a bit? I did NOT want to go. But it changed my LIFE!!!! Be gentle and easy on yourself, mentally and physically. Small sips of fluids. Try to go for a little walk outside if you have the strength. Some days are minute to minute, breath by breath, but you can do this!!!!!!!!!! KEEP FIGHTING!!!!
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You can do it. 
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Right there in your post “I” and “myself”. Sorry if I come across as harsh but no can on their will power alone quit an addiction and live healthily and happily after. Are you in a program? Try a rehab and AA and you’ll turn that phrase into “we”
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