I am having a hard time trusting in gods timing right now. I cant believe how behind i am for my age. I did excellent in school, i thought id do better in life. Now i feel like im being held back like a kid being held back several grades for poor performance.
The reality is i did very well at my former position. But my employers kept confusing my performance with someone elses. Like our report cards got switched around or something! Thats what it feels like. Its scaring me.
I dont want to end up homeless and alone again. Its terrifying.
I feel like i havent achieved anything because i havent been able to sustain it. I wake up with panic attacks. I need security, stability, and comfort. It makes me want to use drugs and alcohol so i can relax or put this energy elsewhere. I wont use but im lacking what i need right now.