Any LGBT+ family out there? I need help

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#1

Any LGBT+ family out there? I need help. I'm in residential treatment and one of my housemates went in a homophobic tirade against me yesterday. Another guy defended me but I went in my room and had a panic attack. I'm feeling somewhat unsafe and insecure now and thinking a lot about going home but I don't want to stop the progress I am making here. How do you think I can best handle this so I can continue my program?

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#2

Aren’t there codes of conduct in place?

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#3

I talked to my counselor this morning and yes he agreed that the guy was out of line and they will step in if he continues, but no they do not have any written rules or codes it's a very unusual family owned program where they mostly leave it up to us to figure things out and everything relies on verbal communication

#4

Cool. Don’t leave. You got this. Keep us posted. Rooting for you. :+1:

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#5

I'm mostly looking at this as a learning opportunity for me to face my fears because I have a history of taking abuse and violence because I am gay and out. I just need some help working through it because I don't have any gay friends in recovery and I am the only one in this program

#6

Thanks buddy

#7

U got this bro

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#8

Don't let bullies get in the way of your recovery. Easier said than done but I believe you got this and you're making the right decision to stay in your program. I'm openly queer, but a lot of the time I don't feel safe about it. It's hard. There's still a vocal and sometimes violent minority that will try to tear you down, but we have to put on a brave face and face them and the world. At the end of day, you have to love and support yourself. If others love and support you too that is great. Feel free to message if you need to vent

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#9

Thanks Ryan.

#10

Hey Brian sorry you’ve experienced this. Why don’t you stay in your program but move houses? (unless you just want to stay) nontheless there’s another side of me the woohoo side that wants to say maybe your higher power is trying to speak to you. Sometimes we don’t fully comprehend what the universe is telling us. Maybe you’ve got to really work though this process in order to gain wisdom and help the future version of you. You know what I mean? Like do something to help cope with your pain because a panic attack is usually a sign of the hurt being trapped in the soma. So maybe do some sort of self care or journal or yoga etc. then once you’re feeling better you’ve got to find forgiveness in your heart for people like this. Just forgive them for being ignorant AF. You’re forgiving them for yourself to feel better.. also have a talk with your manager and maybe he can meditate a conversation between the two of you. Don’t let people walk over you.

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#11

A quality treatment center would put him on a behavioral contract, a single other incident he would be discharged. Safe space and inclusivity is taught and practiced in the right places. Let me know if you need some suggestions of places where you don’t need to reach the clinical team how to do there jobs following best practices.

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#12

Thanks Tiffany, I agree this is an opportunity to work on my fears and learn how to approach the situation with kindness and compassion. I practice refuge recovery so those are very important spiritual principles for me. I have forgiven him and myself. I hope that we can talk about it at some point, but I'm not going to force it, I'll let him come to me or if he brings it up in group. I have been out for 30 years so I have lots of experience, but he may have never spent this much time around a gay person. I am willing to answer any questions if he has the courage to ask.

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#13

Thanks Noah, I am very pleased with the program here it is working very well for me. although there are occasional issues and drama, I feel safer now because he has been civil (but cold) we say good morning to each other and I feel like that is a small step but progress nonetheless

#14

Hang in there. If you pray,, pray for the homophobe to learn tolerance, compassion and humility. Give it to the God of your understanding. :pray:

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#15

Thanks Vicki, I don't pray but I meditate every morning and during my meditations I offer him well wishes just like that. He spoke to me this morning about the news, and made small talk so I believe it's getting better

#16

That’s tough, I hope you continue the good work and know you have support!

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#17

Thanks Maegen!