Anybody here realize at 47 and after 14 years of sobriety that you really don’t mean all that much to your family of origin? I knew I was never really all that important to my father but peeling the layers of the onion back I am starting to see my mother for the person she really is and the pain is almost debilitating. I always thought she was so strong now I think she is just heartless. I hate even thinking that I love her so much but I am so darn tired of trying to get her approval. I just don’t think it’s ever going to happen!!!!!
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I'm sorry to hear this. I'm sure it must be painful. Have you tried counseling?
What other people think is none of your business, and trying to control it will drive you batty. Being the absolute best version of yourself is it’s own reward and will bring you what you need and deserve.
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This sounds very painful Karyn. You’ve loved 47 years on this planet and have 14 years of sobriety, and your own family. You’ve overcome so many challenges and raised 3 kids. The most important approval you need comes from within. Just a suggestion, but therapy may help you finally overcome the need to her approval. You don’t need it. You are enough all on your own
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I am a mom I couldn’t imagine not having love for any of my kids!
Thank you all so much! While I know what you all are saying it is still just so hard. I know she loves me in her way. I’ve just come to realize her way is toxic for me. I’ve been to therapy most of my life and it’s never really helped. One of my therapists met my mother and said she couldn’t do anything with that lol. She live down the street from me now but will be moving to Florida soon. Let’s pray the move helps.
“I know she loves me in her way”. That resonates with me. My parents are now in their 80’s. I’ve been on a mission to reconcile with them before it’s too late. Ultimately I had to let go of my idea of how I wanted my relationship to be with them. At their age and mind set, they had no desire to do any work. They really didn’t/couldn’t see anything wrong with them. They loved me, and that was good enough for them and the the end of any discussion as far as they were concerned. Yes, I can still drift back into feeling hurt that they don’t care enough to work on making it better, but I don’t sit in that space for long. I’ve learned how to feel it, diffuse it, and accept their love for me in the way that they are capable of expressing it to me. Now I’m working on my relationship with my kids to make sure I’m showing up and loving them in the healthiest way I can.
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Oh if this isn’t ever exactly what I need to read. I’m getting ready to set a serious boundary with my dad due to his unwillingness to explore more healthy communication. I too know he loves me and his grand daughters so instead of trying to change him, I’m just going to request he limit certain conversations that really hurt me.
My dad has never given up on me. He’s the reason I finally went to my first meeting.
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My mother too has never given up on me. It’s weird the way I see her since my grandma died two years ago. My mother makes me feel less than everyone else. I’ve always felt less than my sister and now it’s my cousin. No matter how badly people in my family treat me she says I need to find God and forgive them. I try and tell her I know my God and I have forgiven them but I don’t keep toxic people that keep hurting me in my life and she just keeps pushing them on me. Makes me feel so worthless to her and like she can’t hear me. She makes me feel so broken.
She will separate here self from you when she moves.then you live your life. Aa. Org for meetings and zoom🐪
I pretty much always felt that way, drunk or sober. Others in my family have a problem with drinking but none are really wanting to address the problem. It sucks because live with a few of them. My mom cares enough, but she makes me feel guilty/trapped in to sticking around. She may not be doing it on purpose, or even realize what she is doing. But it still hurts the same. I haven't seen my father in over 15 years. He is the one who taught me how to be a drunk pretty much. So I know he wouldn't be of any help in my sobriety. Especially since all he does is drink.