Another successful season. I started a small construction company when newly sober in 1999. I was recently off alcohol and heroin. I was broke, in fact about 55k in debt. Health issues, legal issues, self esteem issues. I had a mountain of problems in front of me and really couldn't see a way to overcome them. I was struggling. But I knew I wasn't alone. I saw other people getting their lives together. So I tried my best to do what they were doing. I went to mass rehab and they sent me back to school. I now have a nursing degree. I addressed my health issues (hep C). I unexpectedly got custody of my 2 kids ( 8 & 11 at the time). I put my heart and soul into my recovery, my studies, my 2 kids, my health. I became willing to go to any length to recover.
I made many mistakes. I failed often. I always got back up and tried again and again and again. I got a sponsor who was a big deal in AA and I only choose him because he had things I wanted. The respect of his peers, a family, a car, nice clothes, a career, peace, serenity, and a very close connection with some kind of power (God).
My first year in business, I maybe did 50 jobs (swimming pools). I only worked April to August. Can't really do pools once it get colder. From that little mustard seed of a beginning, I grew that business. I learned how to be a parent, an employer, a son, a brother, a friend, a boyfriend, a husband, a better man.
Yesterday I finished job # 219, and 220. I haven't had money problems in many years. These days I have "Cadillac" problems. Where to go on vacation, who to take with me, for how long, what kind of furniture to redo my house with. Buy or lease my next vehicle. I say all these things not to brag, but to say if I can turn my life around and be happy, and free from active addiction... anyone can do it. God is real. He loves us all more than we can possibly conceive. God has no grand children. He loves us all equally. He answers all our prayers. Often the answer is "no", or not yet. When I earnestly took the 3rd step and started praying that simple prayer several times daily, my life started to change. And not always for the better (or so I thought st the time).
Being a contractor, I know that to renovate often we must get rid of the old broken or damaged materials first. I would be saying that prayer daily as my sponsor told me to, and all kinds of crazy things started to happen. I lost my job (soon to be replaced by an opportunity to start a successful business), my gf broke up with me ( to allow me to mature and grow into a man that was worthy of an incredible woman). I lost my apartment (soon came an opportunity to buy my first house). Engine died in my car (pushed me into leasing my first jeep wrangler). Do you see, all those things that I first thought we're terrible, were actually obstacles in my path that God removed from my life. I believe He does this because He has something much better down the road for us. I got married sober. Divorced sober. Bought houses, cars, motorcycles, many vacations sober. Fell in love and got my heart broken sober. My dad died March 10th and 10 days later my youngest brother died of an overdose. I gave the eulogies at both funerals, sober. I say sober but I'm a heroin addict, so clean, sober whatever.
I was only able to do these things with help. God, sponsor, AA, NA, many many clean/sober friends.
I look back and wonder where the time has gone. I still have lots of life to live and a long bucket list. I live in Massachusetts and it's starting to get cold here. I used to have a place outside of Daytona Beach Florida but sold it 10 yrs ago. One of the things I always wanted to do is drive cross country, hit a meeting in every state, play a round of golf in every state. Visit all the islands of the Caribbean. I've been to several already.
Instead of being a disappointment and embarrassment to my family, I am respected and loved. Those 2 kids who were 8 & 11, are now in their 30s and I have 3 grandchildren. My house is almost paid off, I'm debt free. I like myself, I have many many real friends. We have a blast. When I was newly clean/sober I thought my life was over, thought I'd be bored outta my mind. There's not enough time in the day to do all I want. My life is full.
I know I have a tendency to ramble when I write but please give yourself a break. You don't have to fix everything in one day, or one year. My hope is that maybe I can help someone. I know what it's like to feel broken, useless, hopeless. Trust God, clean house, help others
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