heroin and fentanyl were medicine to me. the only medicine that genuinely treated my borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression. now i’ve relapsed on my eating disorder. I haven’t eaten a meal in almost two weeks. I can’t deal with these emotions without drugs. I can’t. and i’ve been prescribed a million different combos of antidepressants, SSRIs, antipsychotics…. they never help. never. NEVER. it hurts to breathe right now. and i’m living out of an airbnb. if I had secure housing i’d be so much less terrified. i’m paying almost 2k a month to have to speak in whispers. i’m scared. I just want to go to sleep forever.
4 Likes
I have depression and anxiety as well. I feel your pain. Are you doing this cold Turkey? Shoot me a message anytime. I’m not sleeping well. If I have any help to offer you I’d gladly try. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for trying….
2 Likes
thank you 
I went to detox. which totally sucked obviously. I still feel like garbage
1 Like
I didn’t go to detox. That took strength. I’m trying to manage at home on my own. I hope you know how strong you are
Amp doc
chemical imbalances mental disorders personality disorders baby u are not alone I’m going thru it just like u. Isolation love u hate u ups and downs depression miracle pill concoctions from psychiatrics and psych wards in patient rehabs life on life’s terms the mental cravings. We are all alike in a lot of ways other then sharing the disease of addiction I’m here for you whenever
1 Like
I was thinking the same way for years? I couldn't get the right doctors, no one could help me but heroin? I almost died twice? I couldn't get help until I finally Surrender! I went to rehab, and I started taking medicine without getting high and it worked? I pray to God every day to not lead me into temptation and to help me find myself. You are in my prayers
1 Like
I have been there terrified of being homeless. I found ketamine therapy for depression but it does cost money. You can make it. God will give you strength. Keep looking for a solution. Don’t give up
i’ve always wanted to try that!
I’m hoping you find peace and joy because you deserve it and deserve freedom from addiction. 
i’ve done it on my own before too, it sucks. stay strong
1 Like
It saved my life probably. Cymbalta also works for me a Remeron or Mirtazapine. I Lao take a couple things for sleep. There may be more medicines you can try. Look into Sravato it is the nasal form of ketamine. Spravato has a program to help people. Get some ObamaCare if you don’t have it. It was free for me with low income. I go for ketamine tomorrow it helps what you take to work better. I’m sure you would qualify for Sparato especially with some Obamacare. Glad to support you as well.
i’ll look into the ketamine treatment i’ve wanted to try that. i was on cymbalta a few months ago and hated it. i’m just so exhausted i’ve tried so many different medication combos since I was a child and not thing ever works. they either do nothing, make me suicidal, or make me feel no emotions
I understand. That’s where I have been. Someone might can help you pay for ketamine. I put it on a credit card because money is tight for me too. Where there’s a will there’s a way😊. Go for it.
Is it the Ketamine infusion therapy? I thought about trying it too. But at like 500 a pop here, not knowing how many sessions you need, I held off…
Same! The antidepressants do nothing for me or make me feel like I don’t want to live. I’m sorry you live this, but glad to know it’s not just me…
Luna. I don’t mean to be harsh but go to meetings and work the steps. I have BPD too and PTSD. Meds didn’t help. Therapy didn’t fix me. I am only encouraging you to work a program because it works. If you are able and willing to commit to it. I had to be desperate enough. I realized it’s a life or death choice. It can get better. There is more too it then just not using or drinking. That alone doesn’t work for the true addict or alcoholic and you will almost certainly relapse that way.
i’ll definitely give it a try, and dw you’re not being harsh
1 Like
You can get approved to take Spravato and insurances will cover it. Spravato has a program too. I have had both and ketamine seems to work better but I would try Spravato
i want to try the ketamine treatment so bad!! i was researching it all morning but all i see are 4k+ prices. I have medicaid MVP. i really badly want to try it! the list of what it treats is me to a t
Yes, everytime I get a chance. Who wants to sit around and blah, blah, blah what happened to me and sit around as a bunch of feel sorry for me myself and I. I've done this dance to many years. Many times I wish I was dead but I didn't have the gonads to do it. I keep to myself. I'm glad for this site and the people here but at the end of the day or morning or whenever. I just want to be intoxicated. But definitely not fetanal because I almost fell out of a 2 story window. I think the sooner we get honest with the one in the mirror and quit running from whatever it is we knumb ourselves over, we might know a little more about self.
1 Like