Anyone look back to your childhood and now graphically recognize the signs outside of actually drinking that you were basically destined to be an alcoholic? I had everyone for a closet drinker. From living in a house with white picket fence, to never being able to air dirty laundry, to being an over achiever and having to be a people pleaser? Star sibling and student. Saying what people expected to hear rather than what you felt? Like a pressure cooker waiting for that first drink that made it all good? I haven’t been able to feel anything ever. So now in my old age finally figuring it all out. I cannot even tell you what flavor of ice crème that I like because it may be the wrong answer. Difficult to be honest, when you were trained from the get go to not to feel. Combo of nurture vs nature. All signs there from toddler. Anyways, sorry for the rant. Slow withdrawal. Too much time to think. Anyone?
I come from a family of addicts. Both sides. Most either still in full on addiction or dead. I always said not me. I won’t be like them. Wellll that didn’t work out like I planned.
I too come from a great spattering of them. Never thought it would happen to me. I really never drank often in earlier years. Because I now Know I always drank way too much when I did. Didn’t like it. Then hit 30 and whammy. Bad marriage 3 kids under 5, traveling the country in high paying job. Alcohol let me not feel. So now estranged family, poor, and still the battle. Never would have guessed. Now I am one of them. No one would have played this out this way. Got ya! It is genetic, but environmental too. Reach out any time.
T you’re not like them. You’re sober my friend! 
Thanks Karla!
Cathy. I didn't fully read this and stopped at "destined to be an alcoholic". That's not good thinking..I was destined to be a great person and someone awesome in life. I just took the wrong road sometimes and made some mistakes along the way. With that being said I am grateful for every thing that has happened to be in life whether it be good or bad..sht I'm actually happier about the bad mistakes because it has allowed me to touch so many lives with my story and some of those lives have been saved from making the same mistakes and going the wrong roads I have..so no I do not think that my child is to blame nor I do believe I was destined to be an addict. As I was told recently that's just my stinking thinking trying to get the best of me. You need start looking in that mirror or finding something to show your reflection and say,"I am fucING amazing and amazing don't know failure nor do we look for excuses when sh*t doesn't work out like we want. Things happen but life does move on if you truly believe in yourself" now go own day and make it a good one. And get outta that head 
Agree, some might be stinkin thinkin. Just making the point that I know I am wired different than a normal human in many ways not just picking up an actual drink. Knowing that helps me work on my entire thinking process not just my inability to drink like others. Enjoying your posts. Love the chat room idea! Hope admin is listening!
Don’t be sorry for the rant. That’s what we are here for. The feelings are real but the best part about it is that we don’t have to live like that any more. You’re in control now.
I have a hard time accepting how long I lived in denial. I was so defiant.
Oooh boy do I feel this. Same exact story. I was held so tightly as a kid to be "perfect". The first time I was introduced to the concept of alcohol I was told to keep it a secret that my grandmother was an alcoholic. So yeah, having to be perfect and keep drinking a secret felt like a bad recipe.